


Finding Myself (and You) Among the Heard

by Atumun15



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: A little bit of blood, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angsty in the beginning, Broken Bones, Bullying, Graphic depictions of violence - Freeform, Happy Ending, Hyunjin is whipped boy, Loneliness, M/M, OH JISUNG IS A D I C K IN THIS FIC, Oops, Slice of Life, and idk if he's gonna have a redemption arc, everyone bullies Jeongin, fluffy at the end, he gets hurt a lot, hopelessness, i think thats everything, id die for sir winston and so would you, im sorry jeongin, internalized a little bit but idk if id call it that directly, jeongin writes a story he gets caught up in, like hes big dumb, other world, so much homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22041118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atumun15/pseuds/Atumun15
Summary: So, having the skill of being able to create stories, to create legends, to create myths gives people the power to change how the world ticks. If one can come up with an entirely new universe, they can change the cogs and upgrade the parts to the complex clock that humans rely on so much.Luckily, for a boy named Yang Jeongin, he can do both.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han & Yang Jeongin | I.N, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Felix & Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Minho | Lee Know & Yang Jeongin | I.N, very minor relationships - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 70





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I want to start off by saying that I'm so sorry for the long wait some of my loyal readers have had to endure since august. I know it's been a very long time since i've really commited myself to a fic and i appreciate anyone who's been patient enough to stick around. 
> 
> Next, I want to give some warnings for this fic. Please, please, please read the tags along with this before continuing. 
> 
> This story gets violent, and the bullying is awful. In no way am i trying to romanticize that because it would be really fucked up if i was. People are unbearably homophobic, and there are a lot of slurs in this fic. Just please be careful when you go through this fic, because it will hurt. 
> 
> Thank you :)

Stories, in their own right, are absolutely beautiful. Life is built off of them; stories, legends, and myths are the very _foundation_ of society. So, having the skill of being able to create stories, to create legends, to create myths gives people the power to change how the world ticks. If one can come up with an entirely new universe, they can change the cogs and upgrade the parts to the complex clock that humans rely on so much.

Luckily, for a boy named Yang Jeongin, he can do both. 

  
His dad repaired computers and his mom held a certain power over words and their structure. So, really, it wasn’t any sort of surprise that Jeongin came out skilled in both fields by the time he reached his last few years of high school. Jeongin could manipulate words as easily as he could fix clocks or computers, but he hasn’t quite figured out how to make them have a lasting impact on the world. Jeongin hasn’t quite figured out how to impact those around him and make them see him as a human instead of the weird kid with a pet crab and (false) tendencies to receive A’s without really trying. 

Sure, Jeongin found it disheartening that no one wanted to be around him, but at least he had his crab right? “Sir Winston, I need you to move so I can feed you,” Jeongin whispered, hovering over Sir Winston’s tank and nudging the rainbow land crab with a metal chopstick. Sir Winston clattered away, keeping a distance when Jeongin lowered his hand into the tank and began to feel around for the bowl Sir Winston had the tendency to bury. “Do you always have to make this process difficult?” Jeongin chuckled breathily when Sir Winston began to get a bit antsy about Jeongin digging around in his space. “This wouldn’t be a problem if you would just keep the bowl above the sand but no~” 

Eventually, Jeongin managed to bring out the bowl and dump a bit of fresh crab food into it and lower it back into the crab’s tank quickly to avoid getting pinched. 

  
“There you go, Sir Winston,” Jeongin hummed, stepped away from the tank, and sat down on the edge of his bed to watch the crab. Jeongin would much rather sit here all day and watch a crab burrow than go to a school where everyone hated him. At least here, in his room with a crab Jeongin has had well over three years, Jeongin is accepted, he is _loved_. “I wish I could just escape into one of our stories… Life would be a lot easier,” Jeongin hushed from the other side of the room, eyes empty and body losing all feeling as Jeongin’s brain escaped into his own thoughts and detached from reality. 

_The ice-lands seemed so far away, just in the distance past the cliff of the tundras and glimmering white even from all the miles between them and Jeongin and his trusted companion. Jeongin’s bones were tired, aching from holding his belongings for so long, and the tip of his sword had been making a trail in the snow for the last ten miles. “We should rest, sire,” Sir Winston chattered, glancing up at his companion in worry. Jeongin huffed once and shook his head._

_“We must keep going, we don’t have that much time left. We have to get to the core before they do,” Jeongin insisted, but couldn’t bring his legs to walk._

_“We are useless and powerless weak, Jeongin. It would be stupid of us to carry on in this state,” Sir Winston scolded, English accent growing thicker and less formal the more exhausted they became. “We will build camp just under this cliff and rest for the night. Now, get going,” Sir Winston pinched Jeongin’s thigh with his claws and dancing along the hill, eyes swaying in the air and rainbow shell shiny in the sunlight. Jeongin watched him go for a few moments before following after his long term friend, his sword no longer making a trail in the snow but now resting over the span of his aching, burning shoulders._

_  
_ _By the time they made it to the bottom of the cliffside, Jeongin had fallen twice, Sir Winston became buried head first in the snow that went up to his waist, and they were both shivering relentlessly. “I’m sorry for not listening to you earlier,” Jeongin sighed out, teeth chattering from the cold embedded so deep into his nerves that not even the hot fire could warm him up. Sir Winston just huffed and pulled the coat around his neck a bit tighter around his arms to preserve some heat._

_“It’s quite alright, Sire. You just have to remember that efficiency reaches a certain point before it’s no longer efficient and instead, damaging. That’s why they sent me with you, as they know the only one that can influence the great warrior of Asolon is the stubborn land crab he’s terrified of,” Sir Winston snickered. Jeongin’s mouth fell open in both shock and offense._

_“Mind your tongue! I am not terrified of you!” Jeongin nearly screeched. If his body didn’t feel so stiff and cold, he’d probably add another scar to the plethora Sir Winston already had marked into his hard shell. “I am not tired of anything,” Jeongin snapped, raising his nose up in the air as if he took a whiff of something horrible. Sir Winston barked out a laugh._

_“Except for your own mother.” Jeongin let out an undignified squeal as he took a ball of snow from the ground and threw it angrily in Sir Winston’s direction, the crab dropping to the ground to dodge it as he shook with laughter. “Sorry, Sire.”_

_“I bet you are,” Jeongin grumbled bitterly, shuffling a bit closer to the fire and tucking his chin between his knees in hopes of somehow producing enough body heat to make his head warm. Jeongin was slowly losing hope._

_“We’ll get to the core, sire. We won’t let those blasted-”_

“Jeongin! Changbin is here!” Jeongin let out a shriek when he was snapped out of his thoughts, grabbing for a pen from his desk and writing down the contents of it in his journal with one hand and slipping on his shoes with the other. 

“Be right down!” Jeongin practically screamed down the stairs, panic overflowing his brain and causing him to hotwire for a second. So much so, that when he reached the bottom of the stairs and rushed into the kitchen to grab his lunch before darting out the door, his mom caught him by the back of Jeongin’s collar and stared at him a little horrified. 

“Backpack?” She questioned, causing Jeongin to let out another inhuman noise before he darted _back_ up the stairs and into his bedroom to grab his backpack. “And fix that mop of hair of yours while you’re up there!” His mother yelled up the stairs. Jeongin groaned loudly but stopped in the bathroom to smush down his hair and make sure it looked relatively tame. “Bye, love~” The woman called out the door after the younger as Jeongin raced to the car where Changbin sat in the driver’s seat on his phone looking bored and irritated like he always did. 

Jeongin waved at her shyly before scrambling in the car nearly slamming the door in the process. Changbin looked at him like he was crazy. “Calm down, kid. I have no desire to be there any earlier than I have to be,” Changbin huffed, shifting gears, and pushing down on the gas as slowly as he could so Jeongin’s mother didn’t report Changbin’s reckless driving to his own mother. It was only when he rounded the corner and was no longer out of sight, he began to drive a little recklessly. Jeongin dug his nails into his thighs out of fear. “We’re gonna stop and get food,” Changbin drawled. The school was 15 minutes away on _Changbin’s_ driving and school started in twenty minutes… Jeongin’s anxiety for the day began to really settle in when they pulled into the parking lot of a McDonald’s and saw how crowded it was inside. “Stay here.” 

Jeongin was just happy Changbin didn’t make him go inside in _that_ mess. But the more Jeongin waited, the more anxious he became as the minutes seemed to be passing like seconds. Jeongin deflated when it finally hit 8:30, and class had finally started but Changbin was nowhere to be seen. “Jesus fucking christ,” Jeongin cursed under his breath, sinking down in the car seat and propping his head upon his hand. Eventually, Changbin came back out with two drinks and a bag of food. 

“Sorry, the line was super long,” Changbin muttered, practically throwing the bag of food into Jeongin’s lap and dropping the cups of coffee into their respective holders. For someone who always got mad at Jeongin for getting mud in his car, Changbin was being super fucking careless that morning. That’s when Jeongin finally locked eyes with Changbin and saw the red replacing white and pupils dilated. 

“Hyung, are you high right now?”Jeongin questioned with narrowed eyes, earning a small, sheepish smile from the elder. 

“No…?” Changbin answered unsurely, earning a look of disapproval from the younger. “Yah! I bought you breakfast! Don’t you get angry with me!” Changbin snapped, starting up the car again before digging around in the bag in Jeongin’s lap and pulling out a chicken biscuit and biting into it before he began driving. Changbin driving with two hands was dangerous enough, but Changbin driving with one hand and distracted by food? Jeongin would be lucky if he made it to school alive. 

It made him so anxious he didn’t even drink his coffee or eat his food, just nursed it and watched it swirl instead of watching Changbin drive like a fucking mad man. 

“Are you not gonna eat?” Changbin groaned once he realized there was stuff in the bag still when he picked it up once they arrived in the parking lot. Jeongin shrugged. “Brat,” Changbin muttered under his breath, climbing out of the car and slamming the door behind him causing Jeongin to flinch.

Changbin and Jeongin used to be close when they were kids because their dads were best friends growing up, but now that they were in high school, Jeongin felt more like a nuisance than a friend. But Jeongin is already lonely enough, he doesn’t want to lose Changbin’s company too… Did that make Jeongin selfish?

“Come on, kid! We’ve gotta go,” Changbin knocked against his window and Jeongin scrambled out of the car with his coffee and backpack half thrown over his shoulder. Changbin huffed, grabbing for the coffee and poured it into a Jeongin proof furnace and sent him on his way. “Be in my car by 3:40 today or I’m leaving you!” Changbin called after him when Jeongin began to run off. 

“Okay, hyung! Have a good day!” Jeongin waved to him frantically. Changbin didn’t reply. 

Jeongin skipped so many steps trucking up those stairs it’s kind of a miracle he didn’t face plant into the tile at one point or another, but he guessed luck was on his side that morning when he burst into his first period and saw a substitute standing up front trying to figure out how to play the educational documentary about stem cells their professor left with them. “Oh good, he’s here. Help the sub, Yang,” Someone called from the back as soon as he stepped through the door. The old man subbing for them glanced up from the laptop and squinted at the boy unsurely. 

  
“Are you Yang Jeongin?” He questioned, moving his glasses to get a better look at the kid. 

“Y-Yes, sir. I’m sorry for being late,” Jeongin bowed respectfully, but the old man just waved him off. 

“Just help me put this movie on and I won’t leave a note for your teacher.” Jeongin could work with that. So, he stepped behind the desk, grabbed the computer, and pulled up the software they used regularly. 

Jeongin managed to have the movie in and playing within the next few seconds and shuffled over to his seat on the far side of the room by the window. Since the tables were meant for two students and no one _ever_ sat with Jeongin, the boy placed his backpack in the lone seat next to him, dug around in it for a pencil and his notebook and settled himself in his chair so he was ready to both relax and take notes at the same time. 

Everyone else around him soon fell into chaos, being rude to both the sub and a few other students, but luckily, they left Jeongin alone for now. That didn’t make his anxiety go away any though… Jeongin felt really bad for this substitute trying to get the class under control. “Hey! Be quiet!” A loud voice suddenly boomed from the back of the class where a good portion of the students who were making trouble resided and Jeongin’s heart sped up when he saw Han Jisung looking _pissed._

Everyone in the room did, in fact, settle down and shrink in on themselves because Han Jisung was influential like that and absolutely no one liked to see him angry. The last time someone pissed him off, he ended up sending someone to the hospital. It was a huge scandal but soon forgotten because of how charming and naturally sweet Jisung could be. Jeongin’s heart skipped a beat when their eyes locked for a moment, Jisung’s eyes squinted into thin slits before Jeongin forced himself to look away and toward the movie. 

No one spoke after that, and Jeongin couldn’t blame them. 

Jeongin lost himself in his thoughts again, trying his best to stay focused long enough to take coherent notes for their test he knew they would have later, but Jeongin’s brain seemed to favor finishing his story from earlier a little more. 

But even if he decided to delve into his mind, he wouldn’t make it very far. The other students both physically and mentally disturbed him when rolled up paper balls began to hit the back of his head. Jeongin couldn’t help but internally roll his eyes. _Were they in a fucking shitty teenage movie? Paper balls? Seriously?_ Jeongin didn’t turn around, didn’t even breath in a way that told them he was aware of what they were doing. Jeongin just ignored them. 

But then things hitting the back of Jeongin’s head started to hurt a little more. Paper balls turned into erasers, erasers turned into pens, and Jeongin even thinks he got stabbed with a pencil when they threw it and the pointed lead landed straight into his head. Jeongin could feel the blood oozing out of the small open wound behind his hair if the heat on the skin there said anything at all. Jeongin even reached behind him to touch it, but before his fingers could touch it, another hand smacked his own away and grabbed a fist-full of hair to yang his head back and draw a quiet whimper of pain from the boy. “How we doing today, cockgobbler?” Jeongin drew in a harsh breath. 

Jeongin didn’t answer though. 

“I’m talking to you,” He yanked a little harder. 

“Y-Yes?” Jeongin stuttered out, hoping to god this kid would just leave him _alone._ The boy behind him hummed in satisfaction and slowly loosened his grip on Jeongin’s hair. 

“Go to the bathroom by the band room after school. Don’t even think about not showing up,” and then he let Jeongin go and moved back to his seat as discreetly as he can. Which proved to be a rather difficult task when you’re a blundering, mindless fuck. Jeongin flinched a little when the student hit a chair with his foot but the substitute didn’t dare do anything or say anything out of fear of causing an uproar. Jeongin wondered if he could somehow leave school, ditch town, and never look back before 3:30 because a part of him knew he’d come out bloody and beaten to a pulp and no way of explaining it to his parents. 

They knew Jeongin didn’t have friends aside from Changbin, but they didn’t know about the bullying and Jeongin _had_ to keep it that way. Jeongin could barely function based on how anxious he just became in a matter of seconds. He needed to be sure to cover his face and hope they aim for his torso and legs so Jeongin had a better chance of getting past his mother when he finally got home. Jeongin bowed his head, drawing mindlessly in his notebook little bubbles around a cartoon crab, the image Jeongin has of Sir Winston in his stories and ignoring the eyes boring into the back of his head. 

Before he knew it, the bell had rung and they were dismissed for a small break before shifting into their next classes. Jeongin tried his best to leave after the crowd of kids in the back, but they just wouldn’t fucking _move_ so Jeongin sucked it up and made a b-line for the door. Unfortunately, this seemed to be the thing they wanted because as soon as he started moving, they started moving as well. Jeongin hunched his shoulders, held his marine biology textbook close to his chest and head bowed in hopes of not provoking them but they just wouldn’t stop picking at him, unzipping his backpack and taking stuff out of it. 

And as if there truly were a God above, a tall, raven-haired boy with the looks of a model wormed himself between Jeongin and the guys behind him and secretly zipped up his backpack after placing everything back in. Jeongin didn’t say thank you, as the last time he did that with anyone else, they snarled their noses up and threw a few insults at him before storming away, but Jeongin shot the tall-boy an appreciative glance. 

Jeongin knew who it was, everyone knew Hwang Hyunjin, but Jeongin also knew the kid was naturally very nice and much kinder than even Jisung so Jeongin didn’t really hold high hopes that it was a personal endeavor rather than just an instinctual one. Jeongin appreciated him all the way up to the forking hallways that lead to separate classes and they were forced to part ways, and hell fell down on Jeongin again. 

Jeongin would really like to go one day without getting shoved into a locker for absolutely no reason and seeing Changbin watch the whole ordeal a few feet away and act like he didn’t even _care_. Jeongin wouldn’t be surprised if he really didn’t. 

With heavy feet and equally heavy shoulders, Jeongin shuffled into his painting class and plopped himself down in the very back after shooting his art teacher a kind, tired smile and gathering all of his supplies. The woman was nicer to him than most but she didn’t make the effort to be as close to him as she would with other students and Jeongin couldn’t help but blame himself for that one. The other kids in this class were charismatic and funny and could actually hold a conversation with the poor woman, but Jeongin couldn’t even bring himself to look at her half the time. 

Did she think less of him? Did she think he wasn’t as creative? Jeongin was obviously trying considering this was the second time he was taking this class and she was giving him and the others also taking this class a second time free rein, but he couldn’t help but feel like she would do anything to kick him out of her class. 

Maybe Jeongin was just being paranoid. “Morning everyone. It’s three days until the weekend…” She started up and Jeongin tuned her out as he began to work on his project, knowing her lecture was for the painting 1 student rather than the painting 2 students. 

His works this year didn’t have to be similar in theme, but Jeongin had a plan for them so that meant they all needed to be in the same style with different meanings. This one was about his attachment issues. Every painting was a sign of himself or of his life, and the parts that represented himself but didn’t necessarily enjoy were painted in black and white, and the ones that he did like were painted in color with a dull but colorful background. 

This piece contained an octopus running off the page, his tentacles spread out and ready to grasp onto just about anything. Jeongin was well aware his attachment tendencies were unhealthy, so the eye of the octopus was bright, but the head was black and white fading into beautiful blues and purples at the ends of his tentacles as he’s physically trying to defeat his habits rather than mentally to at first. Everyone else seemed to really enjoy the idea but Jeongin was scared for the turnout and to be quite honest? It’s only been two classes working on it and he’s becoming really tired of looking at this _fucking_ octopus. “Jeongin, can you throw this away for me?” The sweet voice of Jiwoo chimed from beside him, snapping Jeongin out of his thoughts. 

It took a second for Jeongin to realize what was being asked of him, but his hands instinctively took the dried, paint-coated plate from the girl and held it for a few seconds. Jiwoo watched him amusement as Jeongin processed it before he _finally_ threw it away. “Sorry…” Jeongin muttered under his breath. Jiwoo just giggled, flipped her red hair behind her shoulder and went back to her conversation with her friend sitting beside her. 

Another girl, one in Jeongin’s last period of the day as well, Gowon he thinks her name is, speaks up a few minutes later but is asking Jiwoo for her opinion on her work and Jeongin really wanted to butt in and give his input, but was slightly scared. The girl seemed to realize this, pouting a bit, and gestured to Jeongin for him to speak up. “What do _you_ think? Should I darkened these areas of the cliffside?” 

Jeongin nodded his head enthusiastically. “You need to think about where the light is going to shine. It’s going to be brighter on the parts that jut out more rather than the parts hidden behind it. You don’t even have to add proper shadows if you want, just make sure there’s a slight difference,” Jeongin word vomited, trying to be as polite as possible but get his point across. The girl nodded her head in understanding and looked back to her painting, tapping the end of her brush against her lips in thought.   
  
“You’re right. Should I just add their complementary colors to them, then?” Jeongin nodded his head. 

“The red and green you chose are already complementary colors so you don’t even have to mix anything new, just add a little bit of both to the ones you have already.” And then silence fell over them. Jeongin felt a little anxious for the following few minutes as Gowon painted in the color difference on the cliffside. Jeongin felt like maybe he shouldn’t have butted in and began to feel a bit guilty for stealing Jiwoo’s spotlight for a few seconds, but then Gowon was showing him her new and improved painting thirty minutes later. 

“Like this? Does that look better?” She questioned and Jeongin nodded his head slightly. “Okay. Thanks, Yang,” Gowon murmured and they all went back to their respective paintings and Jeongin tried his best to not lose his mind over the tentacles he layered and mixed with blues and black and white. 

Jeongin really hoped that maybe this painting would open his eyes and finally get him to let Changbin go so they didn’t have to be so toxic toward one another but Jeongin was selfish by nature and was relatively scared of being absolutely alone. Sure, they didn’t have lunch together, and didn’t hang out after school, and didn’t even talk in the hallways anymore, but sometimes they helped each other with homework and other times Changbin voluntarily gave Jeongin a ride to work when he was in a good mood, but that didn’t change the fact that they weren’t _really_ friends. The two were doing this because of their mothers and Jeongin knew that at the end of the day, he was holding Changbin back from a lot of things. 

By the time Jeongin got to lunch, his fingers were covered in black paint and his heart aching. Jeongin can’t stop thinking about letting Changbin go, and if he should really go through with it or not, but Jeongin was the epitome of indecisive. That was partially why he kept Changbin around at this point because he knew Changbin was always so sure of himself that if Jeongin really couldn’t make a decision, he would just let Changbin decide for him. But Jeongin couldn’t do that this time, not when it was about their friendship. Changbin wasn’t a bad guy despite everything, and Jeongin knew Changbin wouldn’t just drop him if it was that easy. 

Changbin would have done it long ago if it were. 

“Kid, you need to eat something.” _Speaking of which…_

Jeongin glanced up from his textbook to see Changbin hovering above him with a thermos of food and an empty glint to his eyes. They weren’t the only ones in this library, and to be quite honest, Jeongin isn’t sure why Changbin is hovering above him like a mother. “I need to study, hyung,” Jeongin murmured apologetically, a small pout to his lips and eyebrows raised to achieve peak innocence. Changbin’s eyes narrowed into thin slits and his lips developed into a snarl. 

“We’re not doing this shit again. Eat.” and then Changbin was shoving the open thermos in front of Jeongin causing the younger to get a whiff of the homemade meal inside. “Seriously. I’ll shove it down your throat.” Jeongin knew that was far from an empty threat and slowly took the chopsticks Changbin threw on the table with a clang and picked at the chicken and rice. With a huff, Changbin dropped himself in the chair across from Jeongin, crossed his arms over his chest, and looked up at the ceiling with a bored expression. Jeongin felt _really_ guilty. 

“Hyung, you don’t have to stay-” 

“I’m not staying for you,” Changbin snapped, and before Jeongin could ask, someone entered the library and Jeongin’s heart began to race. Han Jisung in all his handsome glory waltzed up to the side of the table and spared them both a polite smile. “Hey, Ji,” Changbin greeted, going in for a secret handshake that Jeongin watched in awe. Jeongin knew the two were friends but not _those_ kinds of friends. A secret handshake? Jeongin kind of envied the idea. He wished he was that close with someone. 

“What’s up, Bin?” Jisung uttered, letting go of Changbin’s hand and turning to Jeongin. “Hey, Yang. How’s it going?” Jisung cocked his head to the side like a puppy, teeth poking out between his teeth a little and hands sliding into his front pockets. Jeongin glanced down at his textbook shyly. 

“Nothing much. You?” Jeongin managed to get out in one breath. Jisung simply shrugged and jerked his head to the side in a casual, uncaring manner. 

“It’s going.” Jisung turned to Changbin immediately after, glaring the elder down. “Are you ready to help me?” Changbin shrugged nonchalantly and stood up from his chair to guide Jisung somewhere else. “Why can’t we just stay here?” Jisung questioned, and Jeongin could barely hear them over the beating in his ears. Changbin and Jeongin shared a look, Changbin’s uncertain and Jeongin’s panicked, a plea. Changbin knew of Jeongin’s little crush on Jisung, and always tried to defer that situation as much as possible but sometimes Jisung could be a bit of a stubborn idiot. “It’s just Yang. His presence isn’t gonna hurt anybody.” 

Changbin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Stop calling him that, and no there’s no problem with him being here. _You’re_ the problem, you distracting brat,” Changbin grumbled, watching Jeongin’s teeth latch onto his bottom lip. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jisung pouted, crossing his arms over his chest defensively, and Jeongin shot him a pleading look. _Please don’t tell him_ Jeongin’s eyes screamed, and Changbin’s own softened considerably at that. _I’ve got you, kid._

“You don’t shut the fuck up, Jisung, and Jeongin requires no distractions when he studies _otherwise he doesn’t study._ ” Changbin snapped. Jisung grumbled curses under his breath at that, crossing his arms over his chest and shooting Jeongin a once overglance that made Jeongin squirm in his seat. 

“It’s fine, hyung. You two can stay here. I need to get going anyway,” Jeongin blurted out, chair scraping against the floor with a squeak that hurt all three pairs of ears. Changbin and Jisung shared an unsure look as they watched Jeongin scramble all of his things together. 

“You sure, kid?” Changbin questioned slowly as if Jeongin was some sort of ticking time bomb. 

“Yeah!” Jeongin chimed. _Perhaps he was just a little bit._ Changbin winced a little at how enthusiastic Jeongin sounded by this, a complete contrast to his previous mellow exterior from a few moments ago. “I’ll eat, I promise, hyung,” Jeongin started before Changbin could say anything, screwing the lid onto his thermos, grabbing the chopsticks and his textbook, and heading off out of the library without another word. 

Jeongin felt his heart hammer and stomach drop when he heard Jisung mutter to Changbin “what’s with him?” 

Jeongin made his way outside the large school building and settled himself in the courtyard for the remaining ten minutes of his lunch, lunch long forgotten and eyes trained on his text book. Jeongin was always rather fascinated with sea life, and even when it wasn’t required of him, Jeongin picked up every informational type book he could find on marine biology while resorting to his text book other times for clear, concise information he’d cherish forever. So, even when he was supposed to be relaxing, eating lunch, and hanging out with non existent friends, he found refuge in his textbook and held no shame in admitting that. 

However, when Jeongin felt eyes boring into his body, he snapped his head up in alarm and looked around in slight horror. He could never tell the looks apart, but 9 times out of 10, they meant trouble. There was no one around though, at least no one worth noting as the lower years left him alone and everyone else was either too preoccupied with the small game of footie they were playing or inside laughing and screaming in the cafeteria. Jeongin frowned and lowered his head, giving his attention back to the textbook but he couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching him. 

Jeongin just wanted to go home to his crab and his fish and his bed and just crash for a little while. 

And then something crashed against his head. Something round, rubbery, and hard. Jeongin nibbled in his lower lip when he saw a soccer ball rolling away from him “Heads up, cockgobbler!” A familiar voice yelled out with amused laughter a few moments later and Jeongin’s fingers turned white from how hard he was holding his text book. _When did he get here?_ One of the others came running up to the ball, collecting it with the bottom of his toes and dribbling it back over to the middle of the field. Jeongin’s Head was beginning to throb just a little. 

Shrill bells rung out through campus, interrupting everyone’s relaxation time and once again, Jeongin was rather thankful for it. Jeongin both loved and hated the bell because Jeongin did actually thoroughly enjoy some of his classes and didn’t always want them to end, but the bell also managed to get him out of some tougher situations. This time, Jeongin was grateful for it. There’s no hard telling what those fuckers would have done if they had a few more minutes to fuck up his day. 

So, him and everyone else trudged into their last two blocks of the day, Jeongin trying his best to pay attention and take decent notes, especially in marine biology, but the more time that passed and the closer it got to 3:30, the more anxious and dysfunctional Jeongin became. None of his teachers could get him to pay attention by the end of the day and Jeongin felt bad for how many times they all called on him to get his attention. But how was he supposed to focus? He was literally going to get beaten after this class but it’s not as if any of the teachers know… 

Honestly, Jeongin wouldn’t be surprised if they actually _were_ aware of what was going on but didn’t care enough to ever do anything about it. His school went on and on about how bad bullying was and that there would be extreme consequences for anyone caught in the act, but that was all talk, and it only intensified for only a few weeks when a kid took their own life and then it all goes back to the way it was before until they lose someone else. 

It was a never-ending cycle of pain and suffering and Jeongin felt as if he were going to be stuck in that cycle. Maybe that’s why Changbin stuck around still… he was scared of what would happen if he left Jeongin all alone with all the hatred he faced every day. Jeongin hated that. He didn’t want to hold Changbin back based on old assumptions. 

If Jeongin ended up alone, then so be it. As long as Changbin is happy. 

He really needed to talk to him, this was beginning to occupy far too much of his everyday thoughts and Jeongin had much more important things to worry over. 

Dread settled in before Jeongin could think twice when the loud shrill screeching of the bell rang throughout the room and Jeongin was forced out of class. Jeongin decided that it might be best if he just went ahead and shot Changbin a text. 

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeongin: I have to stay after to talk to a teacher. Go ahead and leave I’ll find a ride.

**Delivered: 3:32.**

Bin Hyung: k.

**Delivered 3:35**

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somehow that made Jeongin even _more_ anxious but he tried not to think about it too much as he made his way to the bathroom on the other side of campus that rarely anyone used due to how malfunctioned it was and the rumors surrounding it. That bathroom was mostly used for hookups now and Jeongin could feel a stone-cold shiver wash over him as soon as he pushed open the door and stepped inside the semi-lit up, mint tiled bathroom. Jeongin nibbled on his lower lip when he saw a butterfly resting on the sill of the open window at the top of the bathroom back wall, the only light shining into the room. 

The echoes of Jeongin’s footsteps rang off the walls as he shuffled over to the sinks lining the wall to his right, turning on the faucet, cupping his hands under the freezing water, and bringing it up to his face in hopes of washing out some of his nerves while trying to mellow his breathing. After a few minutes, Jeongin started to think that maybe they wouldn’t show up, that this was a whole ploy just to fuck with his day mentally and emotionally and Jeongin can definitly say that they succeeded. 

When it reached nearly 3:50, jeongin decided that it wasn’t worth it and decided to leave, but as soon as he opened the door and stepped out into the half-lit hallway, three pairs of hands were shoving him back inside. “Where do you think you’re going, Yang?” the guy from earlier snapped, laughing a bit in amusement when he saw the fear begin to settle and storm around in the dark of Jeongin’s eyes. “You weren’t about to leave were you?” 

“N-No!” Jeongin squeaked out, obviously lying as his eyes darted to the ground and his cheeks flushed a deep pink. The elder laughed coldly, grabbed Jeongin’s collar, and brought him in real close only to whisper: 

“Don’t you lie to me, Yang. I can read you like an open fucking book,” He hissed, and Jeongin whimpered and let out a shrill shriek when he was suddenly backed into a wall and the back of his head slammed against the blue tile. Jeongin’s eyes couldn’t help but snap shut when he saw a fist go flying toward his face but the impact never came. The only thing he managed to take in when he opened his eyes was the fist hovering a few centimeters above his face threateningly And the malicious smile of Jeongin’s bully. 

  
Jeongin didn’t even know his _name._

“You’re so fun to mess with, Yang,” he muttered quietly, letting go of Jeongin’s collar to see what the younger did. Jeongin ended up sliding down the wall, pulling his knees up into this chest and throwing his arms over his head to shield any oncoming hits from the three other boys and Jeongin is glad he did. Before he could even tuck his head in and bring his knees up, two kicks went into his gut dragging grunts and whimpers out of him. By the time he managed to tuck his head into his knees, fists flew into the top of his head, fingers threaded through his hair to get him to reveal his face so they could pummel his nose in, and feet went flying into his legs left and right and center. 

Jeongin kept letting out cries and whimpers and pleads for help, but no one would hear him. Jeongin was so sure of it, he thought he was hallucinating and had slipped into a dream-like state when the next few events unfolded. 

The bullies had managed to peel his arms away from his head and prompt Jeongin’s face to become vulnerable, but before bony hands could go flying into his skull, the door suddenly opened and they all halted in their movements. “Hey, boys.” Hwang Hyunjin, in all his kind, beautiful glory, stood in the doorway and Jeongin wasn’t too sure what was happening when he coughed, shoved his hands into his pockets, and shot them a sickeningly sweet smile. “What are we up to?” 

Jeongin didn’t understand the fear in the bullies’ eyes when they looked at Hyunjin. Did Hyunjin know something Jeongin didn’t? Was there something unspoken between this class goody two shoes and the three bigots hovering over him. “Nothing much, hyung,” The one in the middle, the one who scheduled all of this, crossed his arms over his chest defensively, looking ready to pick a fight despite how unsure he looked. Hyunjin popped his lips and stuck his tongue out between his teeth. 

“You sure? It doesn’t look like nothing,” Hyunjin hummed, flickering his eyes down to Jeongin who stared up at him in awe. _Was he implying..._

“Get out of here, Hwang. You never saw any of this,” the one on the far right, the one still holding Jeongin’s head up by his hair attempted to become the boss in this situation but Hyunjin just snorted and shook his head. 

“Dumbass,” The one in the middle hissed toward his friend. “We’ll leave. Just don’t… Don’t mention this to my cousin. He’s already all buddy-buddy with this freak.” Jeongin flinched at the usage of the word ‘freak’ but didn’t fully process what just came out of this kid’s mouth until Hyunjin started speaking again. 

“Sure thing, Seo. Now, shoo,” Hyunjin grumbled. _Seo?_

Oh. 

_Oh._

_Changbin and this little shit were_ cousins _?_

Jeongin gaped at the three bullies the entire time they took to swivel on their heels and dart out of the bathroom, and a little more time to stare at the now-closed door. Jeongin was still trying to process everything when Hyunjin’s school shoes clicked against the tile as he approached the sink and stood in front of the mirror. With sharp, almost panicked eyes, Jeongin snapped his head up and watched Hyunjin swipe some of his hair out of his eyes, pulling out a small pocket-sized container of chapstick and coat his lips with it. Then, Hyunjin whirled around, fixed his backpack, shot Jeongin a wink and left the room without another word. 

Five minutes passed before Jeongin could even _move_ , but eventually, he got up with a grunt and a hand cupping his throbbing stomach. It took some effort and far more willpower than Jeongin had in the first place, but Jeongin shuffled out of the restroom and down the hallway on throbbing, aching legs and stomach ready to turn in on himself. Jeongin thought he might be able to get off scot-free when he neared the front entrance but then an adult voice called out to him, and it wasn’t just any administrative voice, _it was the fucking principal_. “Mr. Yang? Excuse me! Stop!” Jeongin froze in his shoes but swiveled around slowly after dropping his arms from his stomach and straightening his back with a wince. Jeongin tried his best to play off his pain when the principal approached him with a look of confusion. “Why are you still here, Mr. Yang? It’s a bit late.” It was only 4:30. 

Jeongin kept that to himself though. He didn’t want to possibly piss off the new principal everyone supposedly loved due to his commitment to the sports branch of the school. _As if they needed any more attention while art teachers are scraping by and using their own money to get the supplies we need_ Jeongin thought to himself bitterly. “I needed to stick around and do some research at the library for a project. Our internet is out at home so I have to make do with the resources here,” Jeongin bowed his head respectively. The man eyed Jeongin wearily, but crossed his arms over his chest and nodded in acknowledgment. 

“Okay, Mr. Yang. Get going. It’s supposed to start raining soon,” the principal uttered before turning on his feet and walking away with this cocky aura to him and Jeongin really just kind of wanted to break down and cry his eyes out. However, he held himself together for about five minutes before the rain started pouring on his head the same rate his tears began to fall from his eyes. Why do they always have to mess with him? Why were they so hellbent on making Jeongin feel like shit? 

Did they just hate him that much? Was Jeongin that unlikeable for kids he didn’t even know to pull him into the bathrooms after class and beat him black and blue? It made Jeongin shudder to think about the kind of lives these kids must be living if their only source of taking out their anger on _him_ of all people. Jeongin didn’t even hurt other people. The most he did was annoy everyone when he talked about Sir Winston, but everyone has that thing in their lives that annoy other people when they talk about it too much. 

That didn’t justify their bullying though. Nothing would justify that bullshit. 

A part of Jeongin was thankful for the rain when his anger began to sizzle and his body began to grow hot because of it. Jeongin rarely ever got angry, but when he did it would alter his entire body until he didn’t recognize himself anymore, much like everyone else, but it scared Jeongin. The boy never liked anger, not even as a teenager where anger was supposedly the only thing they were supposed to be feeling, and yet here Jeongin was, grumbling to himself as he walked down the street practically trembling in fury. _Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?_

Unfortunately, it’s rather impossible for Jeongin to stay angry for long, no matter the level of his fury, and his hobble back home took far longer than he intended so by the time he got back, he was soaked to the bone from the rain above and his own tears. 

Never has Jeongin been so thankful for the fact that his parents work late and they didn’t have to see him like this. Jeongin never wanted them to see him like this, they were already stressed out of their minds and they didn’t deserve the added stress of having to worry about their freak of a son getting beat up at school because of it. Sometimes Jeongin wonders what would happen if they knew everything. 

If they knew about his tendencies to escape to another reality. His lack of friends. His bullies at school. His teachers always treating him like shit. 

_If they knew that he was gay…_

That idea always scared him endlessly. It scared him into panic attacks sometimes and he had to play it off like he was just thinking about school and how many deadlines he had coming up. His parents were always so kind to him after that… 

He didn’t deserve them. 

Jeongin isn’t sure how long he sat on the edge of his bed after his hot shower just staring at Sir Winston clatter about in his tank without a care in the world and Jeongin almost envied that. He wished more than anything that he could just live like that, in the enclosure of his own room and never leave. This is where he was most comfortable anyway. Jeongin’s bed felt like a cloud, and his sheets were always soft to the touch and those flannel ones you want to rub your legs all over when both you and the sheets are clean. 

His walls are a deep blue, similar to the ocean, and his curtains allowed minimal light into the room. Most of the time, the only light in the room was the warm lamp hovering above Sir Winston’s tank and the ocean lamp that creates a water effect on his ceiling. His rug was soft and if he wanted to, he could easily fall asleep on it every night while doing homework, he’s done it once or twice actually, and he has speakers throughout his room so he can play music when he studies. Jeongin’s room was his safe space, a place where he could escape for a while, and Jeongin was oh so scared to lose that. 

Jeongin never let the loneliness get to him, but he couldn’t help but notice how painfully quiet his room was that day. Even when Changbin was over and they never really talked, the elder always made noises or spoke to himself while studying or listening to music, and it comforted Jeongin. It comforted him to know that someone stuck around long enough to lounge around on his bed and be quiet with him while not really being quiet. 

Why did Jeongin have to be so weird? Why did he have to do this to himself? 

But then Jeongin realized that in order to not be weird, he wouldn’t have Sir Winston. Jeongin wouldn’t have his stories and his passion if he were normal. If jeongin were normal, he’d be as pointless as the bullies who make his life hell. He’d be as mindless and motiveless because he wouldn’t be striving for anything. 

This seemed to be enough for Jeongin. At least for now anyway. At least he had something they didn’t and that just so happened to be the best pet crab in the world and a passion for something so beyond him they probably couldn’t wrap their tiny minds around it. 

With the smuggest smiles of all time, Jeongin threw himself into his chair, stared at Sir Winston through his tank and grinned from ear to ear as he opened his laptop, typed in his password, pulled up the google doc for the current chapter he was working on and whispered _“Are you ready to get the core, Sir Winston?”_

_“Of course, Sire,” Sir Winston hushed, pulling his cape a little tighter around his body with his large claws and looking around the snowy province with a disgusted expression. “But why must it be so cold, hm? Why in the name of the seven gods would this wizard hide the core in the middle of the Ice-lands as if it were perfectly normal?” Sir Winston ranted for the next mile. Jeongin just listed, nodded, hummed in agreement and laughed when necessary. Something much better was on his mind at the moment due to the dream he held the night before. “Are you even listening to me, sire?”_

_“Oh, yes, yes! The ice-lands are freezing and the core shouldn’t be here because it’s cruel to humanity to have to trek through all of this to get to it,” Jeongin hummed in understanding, dragging his sword in the show and drawing the family sigils when they paused for a few moments to catch their breath and let their legs rest. Sir Winston huffed._

_“Thinking about Master Han are we?” Jeongin flushed deeply at the question._

_“Sir Winston!” Jeongin shrieked, clearly a little horrified, but sounding more exhausted than anything. Sir Winston just rolled his eyes out of boredom._

_“Don’t act as if the idea is completely insane, sire. I’m a land crab, not blind to human society. You see him differently.” Jeongin was quiet for a few moments, mentally twiddling his thumbs._

_“Yes…” Jeongin whispered. “But you can’t tell anyone, Winston.” Jeongin looked shy when saying it, nervous and embarrassed if his small blush and reserved body expressions demonstrate anything. “If he were to know… there’s no hard telling how he would react. That’s not normal for us… for soldiers to like other soldiers.” For once in his 200-year-old long life, Sir Winston was quiet, unsure of how to address the situation exactly._

_“Sire, I find that when we focus too much on what other people have to say about the way we live our lives… We’re not really living and we certainly aren’t happy.” Jeongin weighed it for a moment but still looked at Winston as if the crab were speaking false reassurances. “Do you think your father didn’t get ridiculed for allowing my kind to meddle with yours when you were a child? He was torn apart for it, but he never got rid of me because he knew this was my only way to survive and you were rather loyal to me by that point,” Sir Winston snorted, grinning up at Jeongin._

_“I have a sword in my hand right now, and you’re still being rude,” Jeongin grumbled like a petulant child but Sir Winston was far too used it by this point and simply shrugged his shoulders and snapped his claws twice, the clicking echoing off of the walls of the cave they just entered. “It doesn’t matter if I wish to be happy, you know? As long as I save the world from the utmost destruction and sacrifice my life in the process, nothing else matters. I might as well go ahead and accept that fact,” Jeongin suddenly became cold,_ guarded _._

_Sir Winston weighed his options for a moment before speaking. “The fact that you can’t be happy or the fact that you’re going to die?” Winston questioned softly, the drip of water falling from the ceiling and hitting the puddle underneath it louder than Winston’s voice. All the two heard for a few seconds after that were the echoing tapping of Jeongin’s shoes against the rock._

_  
_ _“Both…” Jeongin uttered. “It would be selfish of me to bring anyone into my life when in just a few short weeks I will be dead and you will carry on our quest of finding the orb and bringing it back to the fields to switch universes.” The silence that draped over them by that point felt suffocating, Jeongin could hardly breathe and the insecure part of his brain started to believe that maybe Winston didn’t actually want to be apart of this at all. Jeongin brought him into this and if he hadn’t… Winston wouldn’t have so much responsibility._

_All of this was Jeongin’s fault anyway. All of it. This wouldn’t have even been an issue if Jeongin hadn’t-_

_“You know what the funny thing about fate and fortune is, Sire?” Winston started, looking up at Jeongin expectantly, waiting for Jeongin to finally meet his eyes. Jeongin got the hint and peered down at the crab shyly before shaking his head. “Fate can change in a heartbeat, especially when you know what the outcome is supposed to be.” Jeongin watched Sir Winton walk away with a slight pep to the crab’s step while attempting to process what Winston said to him. Jeongin wished he had taken the time to overthink it. “Come on, now. We’re incredibly close to securing the orb and we don’t need to delay it any further.”_

_The farther they journeyed into the cave, the lower they dwelled and the weirder things became. The two partners could hear sounds ringing off of the walls, screams of horror, and grunts seemingly rooting from the depths of hell, and debated turning around and finding another way but “No! We’ve already lost too much time and if we backtrack, we’ll not only lose time going back but taking the long route. We have to keep moving, just be ready,” and then they were making their way through the cave, Jeongin’s great-sword drawn and Winston’s summoned electricity hissing around them, ready to strike and take down anyone getting in the way._

_They became more and more paranoid the further they went and the more…_ peculiar _things began to show up. Oddly enough, plants were growing this deep under the ground, but they were bioluminescent, giving off a neon pink hue and then slowly descended into purple and blue, and then all three with hints of orange and green until it created a forest. Jeongin’s been almost everywhere in the last few weeks, seen almost every inch of the world, but for some reason, this was so beautiful to him it hurt. Jeongin’s talked to mushrooms, pet foxes and played with them like he would toddlers, and he’s even helped some flowers elope into a marriage, but these plants… these animals with translucent skin and vangs larger than his fingers had Jeongin entranced._

_It was only when they saw a shadow come from one of the cave split-offs in front of them and a loud, echoing voice booming in their ears did they stop in fright and fall into a fighting stance. “Leave! You do not belong here!” Jeongin coughed awkwardly before puffing out his chest and looking toward the great beastly shadow in front of them._

_“We can not leave. I kindly ask that you lead us out of this cave,” Jeongin boomed right back, but the monster huffed loudly, shifting on his feet angrily._

_“Leave! I will not ask again. The only assistance you will receive from us is the help of moving your life span along,” The beast rumbled once. Jeongin gulped when he saw the beast’s silhouette flex their shiny, very sharp claws. Jeongin and Sir Winston looked at each other._

_“Do we turn back?” Jeongin questioned._

_“Yes! I do not want us to get killed here!” Winston hissed under his breath, already turning to leave but Jeongin cleared his throat and looked back toward the beast to speak with it. “Sire, Please-”_

_“I’m sorry to inform you that we aren’t leaving. I need a way out to find the orb of Dotur so the world can be saved and we can all live peacefully among ourselves.” Jeongin found that being upfront about what he was doing did a lot for diminishing barriers so they could keep moving. “I need your help. Can you do that for me?”_

_The cave went so silent Jeongin’s ears began to ring, and luckily, the beast came out from its hiding spot behind the cave wall and into the large sanctuary Winston and Jeongin were stood in. “Saving the world you say?” The beast’s voice was so deep it felt more like a rumble of the ground underneath him rather than an actual voice. The beast was so tall it’s head threatened to shove against the top of the cave, and it well would have if the beast wasn’t naturally hunched over. The hair on the top of his head traveled down the span of his hairy, but human-like torso until it reached the beastly legs holding him up, claws on his toes long and dragging against the ground. Jeongin gulped when his eyes locked with the deep, golden ones of the beast, too frozen to really study the markings along the beast’s chest._

_“Yes. I must get to the orb if I wish to save the world from its end.” The beast cocked it’s head to the side, bull-like nose letting out a huff of air that turned orange the minute it hit the atmosphere._

_“And what part of you feels the need to save it? What part of you has the right to alter fate?” The beast questioned, approaching them timidly. Winston was practically shaking at the prospect of being anywhere close to this beast. Jeongin tried his best to remain strong, to have courage, and be kind to this beast in hopes of it doing the same._

_“It is my fault the world is ending. I must fix the mistake I made.” The beast hummed in understanding but still seemed rather doubtful of Jeongin’s words._

_“And what if you fixing your mistake holds greater consequences? What if you do more harm than good hindering a rebirth?” The beast continued to question. Jeongin wasn’t sure if the beast was questioning him on his beliefs or just trying to see if Jeongin would break so easily._

_“Nothing is worse than a dead world.”_

_“Except a suffering one.” Jeongin fell silent. “A world that is suffering faces much more pain than one that dyed quickly and without any sort of pain along the way,” the beast reprimanded but Jeongin just shook his head. It wasn’t that simple._

_“A world that suffers is a world that won’t suffer forever. The fact of the matter is that nothing lasts forever, and even if the happiness doesn’t last forever, neither does that pain. That’s a part of living, breathing and waking up every morning. Our lives are so short, but we should not shorten them even further because we can’t handle the pain,” Jeongin retorted, ready to sit and have a long chat with this beast._

_The beast’s chuckle rung throughout the cave, rattling them a bit and drawing a whimper from Winston. “What is your name, Worldeater?”_

_“Yang Jeongin, thane of Wellingborrow Woodland. And you are?”_

_“Invar,” the beast answered._

_“Well, Invar. Do you want to tell me why you are so against the death of the gracious world we live in?” Jeongin hummed, hopping up on a rock and sitting his sword aside. Invar seemed a bit hesitant to share anything with this presumed human, but he figured he would die here soon and might not ever see anyone again._

_“This world you call gracious has been cruel to me since the very beginning. My parents abandoned me in the center of a human village who hunted my kind. A sacrifice of some sort I suppose. Someone managed to find me before the rest did though and raised me as some sort of dog. I ran away when I was old enough to walk and I’ve been dodging killings since then. I believe I might be the last one of my kind, and I’m going to die in this cave, alone and worshipping a god who doesn’t even exist.”_

_“All gods exist the moment you give them the power,” Winston suddenly spoke up, wise as always. Invar looked to him in question. “I highly doubt you are the last of your kind, and even if you are, who gives you the right to hinder our stop to the end of the world, hm? Are you so angry at yourself and the rest of us that you can’t let us live on?”_

_Irvan seemed a little put off by how straight forward that was. “I’d rather be dead than suffering.”_

_“You won’t be suffering forever. We can help you find your kind if you would just let us out of this god awful cave so I can fix my mistakes,” Jeongin attempted to bargain but the beast just huffed and shook his head._

_“There’s no need for that. I’ve spent a long time finding my own but I’ve not had any luck. I’ll help you out of this cave, Yang Jeongin, Thane of Wellingborrow Woodland, and designated world eater.”_

_Jeongin must keep moving._

  
  
[[MOODBOARD](https://twitter.com/atumun15/status/1211817094049914880?s=20)]  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jisung had to be too nice to do that…
> 
> Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy im so sorry for skipping last week. 
> 
> For those of you who only keep up with me on here, I had an extensive back surgery tuesday so Monday had been a surgery prep day so updating completely escaped my mind and this is the first day ive been entirely coherent sense then.. 
> 
> ANYWAYS REGULAR UPDATES FOR NOW ON

Some nights, Jeongin just can’t sleep. It’s not uncommon really, especially in the family as his mother is the same way, and most of the time it’s for the same reason: they need to get out of the house. So, he often leaves behind a note after getting into some proper clothes, grabs his wallet, and rides his bike down to the store a few blocks away. The employees there knew Jeongin well as over the last few weeks, he’s been there every night, but he’s not sure how much longer that’s going to last when he considers how much money he has left and his lack of a job. 

He really needed to get a job. 

The air was chilly, frigid maybe if Jeongin were feeling particularly dramatic, but the cold air felt nice against his face so he was more than happy to describe it a little more pleasantly. The wind wafted against his skin and slid through his black hair, and Jeongin found comfort in the cars driving by him, music blaring from their speakers and sometimes laughs mingled within. Jeongin quite enjoyed being alone, but he also enjoyed being alone and observing other people and taking in the atmosphere around him. Perhaps that was the ‘writer’ part in him. 

Sometimes he takes the long route to the small convenience shop down the road; tonight, however, Jeongin went straight there and didn’t even stop once due to how low his stomach rumbled. _As low as Irvan spoke._ Jeongin actually quite liked Irvan, the beast felt more like the internal fear Jeongin had for the world, and the character Jeongin created for himself felt more like who he wanted to be rather than who he was. Sir Winston, of course, was the companion Jeongin wished he had. Jeongin couldn’t help but grin to himself at the thought of his crab. 

In fact, Jeongin was so caught up in his thoughts he nearly ran over someone. “Woah! Watch it!” A shrill, familiar voice chimed out and Jeongin clenched down on the breaks on his handlebars and shoved his legs down on the cement to forcefully stop himself before he went barreling into a painfully familiar figure. Jeongin sucked in a harsh breath when his front tire nudged the side of the other boy’s shoe “Jesus, man,” and recognized the figure immediately. _Oh no._ “Oh. Hey Ya- Jeongin.” If he were an honest man, Jeongin would admit that the way Jisung said his name made his heart flutter, but Jeongin was far from an honest man. 

“Hey! I’m so sorry for…” Jeongin stopped himself with a wince, clenching his eyes shut and preparing himself for some sort of punch. However, it never came and Jeongin peeked one eye open to see Jisung looking at him a little weirdly, but an amused smile tugging at his lips nonetheless. 

“Almost running me over?” Jisung offered with a charming smile and stuffing his hands in his pockets in the process. Jeongin’s knees went a little weak. 

“Yeah. That.” The younger flushed deeply, placing his eyes anywhere except Jisung. “I should have been paying attention. Forgive me?” Jeongin squeaked out, shifting his handlebars from left to right to swivel the tire nervously and nose his toe at the concrete. “And maybe not tell anyone? I’ll do anything for you to never mention this to anyone again for the sake of my sanity.” Jeongin became a little nauseous when Jisung still continued to stay quiet, and even have the audacity to smirk at Jeongin’s proposal. _Was he doing this on purpose?_ “Seriously. I’m so sorry for not paying attention. I was just so caught up in my thoughts and-” 

Jisung started laughing loudly, shaking his head and clapping his hands so loudly Jeongin couldn’t help but flinch. Jeongin’s heart dropped to his stomach and his face got hot from the anxiety rushing through him. “You’re so strange. I don’t think there’s anyone quite like you,” Jisung snickered. Jeongin really wanted Jisung to say that Jeongin being weird wasn’t necessarily a bad thing but Jeongin wasn’t nearly that lucky and his anxiety only got worse. “Where were you going anyway?” Jisung cocked his head to the side like a puppy in question and Jeongin fiddled with his handlebars nervously. 

“The convenience store right over there. I was going to grab some food…” Jeongin pointed over to the lit-up shop across the street and Jisung nodded in understanding. The elder seemed to weigh his options for a moment, but Jeongin beat him to his question. “How about I buy you an ice cream or something? To make up for almost running you over?” Jeongin offered, praying that he might have enough money. Jeongin thinks he does, but knowing his luck, he won’t. Jisung laughed quietly once more, the anxiety rushing through Jeongin yet again. Jeongin felt way too on edge around this guy. 

“Get out of my head, Yang,” Jisung punched his shoulder. Jeongin felt a little sad when Jisung didn’t call him Jeongin again but kept himself under wraps so Jisung didn’t get suspicious. “Let me on this thing. I’m taking you up on your ice cream offer.” Jisung patted Jeongin’s shoulder and rounded his side, hopping over the back wheel and placing his feet on the little bars sticking out from the middle of the rim and securing himself upright with his small hands on top of Jeongin’s shoulders. The younger’s skin burned at the touch and his heart wouldn’t stop beating so wildly. “Onwards!” 

Jeongin couldn’t help but laugh a little when Jisung stuck his hand up in the air, one finger pointed out and another hand coming down to place a sharp slap to Jeongin’s hip as if he were Jisung’s trusty steed. It felt a bit… _wrong_ , but Jeongin would take any time he could get with the elder, especially if he had to spend money to do so. Jeongin really hoped the boy wouldn’t just take his ice cream and leave Jeongin all alone, but Jeongin wouldn’t be too surprised if that happened. 

_Jisung had to be too nice to do that…_

_Right?_

When they reached the storefront, Jisung hopped off before Jeongin could even stop. “For someone who’s making me buy them ice cream for an almost accident, you sure do live a little reckless,” Jeongin grumbled under his breath as he watched Jisung dart toward the door and swing it open to rush inside, thinking the elder hadn’t heard him, but when Jeongin was locking up his bike and Jisung peeked his head out to yell, Jeongin nearly had a heart attack. 

“I heard that!” _Jeongin felt so fucked over at that moment._ Not only could he not sleep on a school night, he nearly ran over his crush who thinks he’s strange in a bad way, and nearly insulted him that Jisung did, in fact, hear. Jeongin felt like his luck couldn’t get any worse. _Well, it definitely could but Jeongin didn’t want to think about that._ “Come on, Yang! You’re being slow.” Jeongin managed to half-assedly fidget the lock onto his bike and rush inside, the idea of someone easily coming by and stealing his bike making him ten times for fidgety. However, Jeongin joined Jisung’s hovering form by the ice cream section and looked it over. 

Jeongin wasn’t quite sure what he wanted, as he came here for a cake rather than ice cream, so moved away from the freezer section but Jisung didn’t let him go too far, grabbing his bicep and forcing him back. Jeongin let out a loud yelp when the elder’s fingers dug into a far too fresh bruise and snapped his body away with a look of horror. Jisung studied Jeongin for a moment, watching for any sort of reaction and the dreamer side of Jeongin’s brain believed that Jisung wanted to say something. But he never did. 

At least not about Jeongin’s strange behavior. “Where are you going? I thought we were getting ice cream?” Jisung crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his foot impatiently. Jeongin reeled his head back a bit, not particularly enjoying the snippy tone Jisung suddenly took on. Jeongin crossed his own arms over his chest but in a far more defensive manner. They were now having a standoff, eyes locked and stance strong. Jeongin could feel himself waining though. He must hold his ground…

“I didn’t come here for ice cream. You can get ice cream, but I came here for cheesecake,” Jeongin informed him, a little irritated that this boy was keeping him away from his cheesecake, but the smirk that formed on Jisung’s face made Jeongin feel uneasy. A part of Jeongin is questioning why he likes a man that’s a bit iffy around him, but the other part of him, the lovesick part of him, reminds the other side that Jisung was incredibly charismatic and was actually far nicer to Jeongin than some other people. 

_Well… except for that Hwang guy. He saved you the other day._

Jeongin shook the thought out of his head. That was a road he wasn’t ready for. 

“We should split it,” Jisung suggested, but it sounded more like a demand rather than a choice. “You can both have half of the ice cream and a half of the cheesecake slice.” 

“What? No!” Jeongin argued. No one touched his cheesecake. No one. Not even the handsome boy Jeongin’s liked since middle school. “The slices are so small, that’s not fair!” Jeongin complained. Jisung huffed and aggressively grabbed an ice cream out of the cooler behind him.

“So are these!” Jeongin felt like crying hysterically when he saw Jisung grab an ice cream bar rather than a tub. That sounded like a nightmare, did they really have to share? 

“Then eat your damn ice cream and stay away from my cheesecake!” Jeongin shrieked, throwing his hands around in the air in irritation. Jisung didn’t say anything more, just sighed loudly and followed Jeongin over toward the cakes and watched Jeongin pick with a pout. _Jeongin would not give in…_ Too late. Jeongin looked at Jisung and saw the boy’s sad facial expression and it reminded him way too much of a toddler. “Damnit…” Jeongin muttered under his breath. “What kind do you like?” 

The cheer Jisung let out was well worth the possible hunger. “Salted caramel, please!” Jisung squeaked and Jeongin took the plastic Tupperware into his hand, the ice cream out of Jisung’s and marched up toward the front counter with a scowl. “Oh! Hwall! Hi!” Jisung greeted when he saw the teenager at the front counter, looking rather exhausted. Hwall offered the squirrel-like boy a soft smile nonetheless. 

“Hey, Jisung.” Jeongin quite liked Hwall. He didn’t go to Jeongin’s school so he didn’t really know his reputation. This meant that Hwall actually treated him like a human being and Jeongin was very appreciative of that. “Also, hi again, Innie. More cheesecake?” Hwall’s full attention was back on the younger and Jeongin nodded shyly. “You and your cheesecake,” Hwall shook his head, teasing a bit. Jeongin huffed and reached over to flick Hwall in the nose. 

“Don’t make fun of my relationship with cheesecake. You’re just jealous because it’s better than the one with your girlfriend,” Jeongin shot back, feeling a bit proud of himself when he heard a quiet ‘oh shit’ from Jisung and Hwall looking a bit gobsmacked before the elder broke down into loud laughter, clapping his hands in appreciation. 

“Oh, I’ve created an insulting monster, this is perfect,” Hwall laughed, scanning the items in the process of his very mild, sleep-deprived breakdown. 

“Stop lying to me. You’re sleep deprived so you think everything is funny,” Jeongin retorted, pulling money out of his wallet to pay once he saw the neon green numbers on the black screen and giving it to the boy. Soon enough, their items were ready to go and Hwall was sending them on their way. 

“It was nice talking to you, Jeongin. Come back again soon.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Jeongin waved the boy off and left the store with Jisung trailing behind him. 

“I didn’t know you were friends with Hwall…” Jisung trailed off carefully, not wanting to really set off the boy. Jeongin just shrugged. 

“I wouldn’t call us friends. I just come here a lot when he’s working so we talk when we see one another but we don’t, like, hang out or anything,” Jeongin explained, probably a bit too long than necessary but Jeongin tried not to think about it too much for the sake of his sanity. 

“Ah.” The silence that draped over them made Jeongin _squirm_ . “Hand over the goods, Yang. I came here for food, and food I shall have,” Jisung held out his hand expectantly and Jeongin scowled at it for a moment. _Since when were hands pretty?_ “What’s the hold-up? I don’t hear any bags rustling.” 

“Oh my god you’re so impatient I don’t know how Changbin hyung puts up with you,” Jeongin grumbled, pulling out the ice cream bar and throwing it at Jisung the moment they reached a metal woven bench beside Jeongin’s bike and plopped down. Jisung caught it with a bit of a scramble and a squeal. 

“Bastard! I could say the same,” Jisung retorted. Jeongin tried to act as if that didn’t sting. Jeongin huffed out a false laugh, sounding far more bitter than Jeongin intended, and the younger hoped Jisung hadn’t been paying too much attention at the time and took it personally. The last thing Jeongin wanted was for Jisung to think Jeongin had something against him… Nonetheless, Jisung rustled the wrapper of his ice cream bar and then took a bite from one, Reece covered side with a rather questionable tone. “God, that’s some good shit.” 

“Don’t fall in love with it over there,” Jeongin snorted, opening the plastic cover of his cheesecake and slicing a tiny bite from the very end with the side of his fork and stuffed it into his mouth. Jeongin nearly choked on it the next moment. 

“What? Want me to fall in love with you instead?” The worst part of it all was that Jeongin knew Jisung was studying him, looking for some sort of reaction, and Jeongin wondered if Jisung knew. _Did he?_ “Man, I’m kidding! I’m not a fag!” Jisung snorted, laughing loudly, sharply even, and Jeongin couldn’t help but flinch, clench his fist, and latch his bottom lip between his teeth hearing that godforsaken word. Jisung must have noticed how uncomfortable Jeongin had become in a few short seconds. “Wait… are you like… gay?”

Jeongin’s immediate response was to deny it, just like he did every other time someone asked. “What? No! Of course not!” Jeongin huffed, taking a stress-induced bite of the cheesecake only to realize that he had taken half the cheesecake slice in the process and shyly offered it to Jisung afterward. The elder looked at him, studied Jeongin for a moment before shaking his head and waving him off. Jeongin slumped, curling a leg underneath him and resting his left thigh on his ankle, ignoring the pins and needles in his nerves. “I just don’t like that word…” 

“Huh?” Jisung questioned, not hearing the younger due to how quiet he had been before. 

“I don’t like that word. Don’t use it,” Jeongin spoke up a bit louder, shifting nervously when he saw Jisung sit up on the bench to watch the younger in slight shock. “It’s so cruel, you know? There’s such a negative connotation around it and I know people that have had it literally carved into their skin for loving who they love. The same goes for dyke, or poof, or any other word that’s used to describe the community. Even if you don’t mean it that way, that shit can hurt people more than you realize. So please, don’t use it.” 

There’s no way Jisung didn’t know now. There’s no fucking way. Who defends a community so forcefully that they’re not even a part of? 

“The world is already fucked and divided as it is, why make it worse by bullying people for loving in a way that isn’t considered natural? We’re supposed to be more progressive but sometimes I highly doubt that of our generation.” The fact of the matter was that once Jeongin started talking, he didn’t tend to stop. Luckily, he managed to get himself to shut up this time though, enough time to have him squirming from the silence Jisung took afterward. 

Jeongin coughed loudly when Jisung sunk down a little bit on the bench and looked a little solemn. “I’ll try not to use it anymore. I didn’t realize you were…” Jisung trailed off, and Jeongin sighed softly. 

“I guess they all call me cockgobbler for a reason,” Jeongin laughed bitterly, crossing his arms over his chest, cheesecake abandoned on the bench. “And even if you run into someone who was apart of the community, that shouldn’t be the reason you stop using words like that. Just try to be a better person, that’s all anyone could ask of you,” Jeongin reprimanded, not liking the sudden scolding persona he’s taken on in the last few minutes. Jisung must surely hate him now… 

“Okay,” Jisung nodded shortly and another lengthy silence fell over them. To be honest, Jeongin was ready to call it quits and leave, but Jisung broke the silence before Jeongin could even go through with it. “Why do they call you cockgobbler anyway? If you don’t mind me asking.” for some reason, Jeongin found Jisung’s concerned curiosity rather endearing, but he was still put off by Jisung’s little slip from earlier. 

The fact that Jisung told him he wasn’t gay was a good deal breaker too. “One of the kids in my class found out I was gay back freshman year and kind of used me as an experiment?” Jeongin started out, watching Jisung twitch a little in irritation. Jeongin was glad everyone sane understood the shittiness that was using someone as an experiment to figure themselves out. “And he tried to get with me you know? We dated on the down-low for a little while but he wanted more and I didn’t. So when I denied him blowjobs and sex, he got really angry and started spreading rumors about me.” 

“What kind of rumors?” 

“That I was a whore who _loved_ blowjobs and gave him an STD in the process. At the age of 14 too! And everyone believed it! The worst part is that he doesn’t even go to our school anymore. He left the next month and is now traveling the world and seeing all these nice things and I’m stuck here, alone with my pet crab and miserable.” Jeongin didn’t _mean_ to dump all of this on Jisung, but he asked! 

Nonetheless, Jisung tried to make Jeongin feel better. “At least you have Changbin,” And failed miserably… Jeongin spared Jisung a knowing look, one that said ‘don’t bullshit me’ but Jisung became defensive between seconds. “You do! I know it may not seem like Changbin cares about you but we all know how much he’s changed within the last year. He probably cares about you more than anybody. He doesn’t even make food for himself but he makes you lunch almost every day,” Jisung pointed out. “I’m not trying to validate the way he treats you sometimes, because I know it sucks, but he cares more than you think.” 

Jeongin knows this. God, he knows this better than anyone, but it was like a slap to the face hearing it from someone else. 

“Because to be quite honest with you, Yang. I would have kicked your ass by now if I had to be around you for as long as he has.” 

Jeongin tried to ignore how much that hurt. “I would have kicked my ass by now too.” Jisung laughed quietly at that, but a tense silence fell over them and Jeongin couldn’t help but pull out his phone to check the time. God, it was already after 3 am. “I should go. I still want to get some sleep before school starts tomorrow,” Jeongin stood up, stuffing his phone back into his hoodie pocket. Jisung looked up at him with puppy dog eyes and slight pout. 

“Understandable. Don’t run anyone else over.” Jeongin’s eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head at that. Nonetheless, Jeongin left the cheesecake on the bench and traveled over to his back without another word, unlocking it and hopping on it. “Have a good night, Yang,” Jisung called out to him, earning a salute from the younger and a very quiet, meek little: 

  
“You too, Jisung.” 

When Jeongin came home, his mother was asleep on the couch, laptop open in her lap, coffee cup half-empty on the table in front of her, and head hung in an uncomfortable manner. Jeongin shut her laptop and placed it on the table by the mug before shaking her shoulders to wake her up. “Innie?” 

“Hey momma, You gotta get up. You can’t stay here all night because you’ll get cramps and be gripey tomorrow,” Jeongin hushed, talking her back into enough consciousness so she can make her way up the stairs and into her bedroom. 

“Don’t talk to me like that, brat,” she grumbled sleepily but reached up to stroke his face and hair with shut eyes and a tiny smile on her lips. “Help an old crippled woman up will you?” she uttered quietly, holding out her hands for him to take. 

“You’re not _that_ old, mom,” Jeongin snorted, taking her hands into his and pulling her up onto her feet. The woman huffed but smiled nonetheless. 

“But I’m crippled?” Jeongin hummed doubtfully. “Just a little?” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Jeongin managed to get her up the stairs, following her once he turned out all the lights and poured out the cold coffee with crystallized sugar at the bottom of the mug. The last thing he expected was for her to still be standing outside his parents’ bedroom door when he reached the top of the stairs. “What is it, momma?” 

“Your older brother called me tonight,” She hushed, looking a little giddy but far too sleepy to really express it. Jeongin perked up at that, “He’s coming home soon.” _Thank god_. The moment Jeongin’s brother turned of age, he joined the military to knock out his required two years so he didn’t have to worry about it anymore and Jeongin really missed him. 

“I’m glad to hear that, momma. Now you need to go to bed before dad wakes up and forces you back to bed.” 

“He’s a bit of a grump isn’t he?” She laughed quietly, “goodnight, sweet boy. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Momma.” The house became silent after that. So silent, Jeongin’s ears rang, and he had to grab his headphones and plug them into his phone so he could fall asleep sometime soon and not feel dead in the morning. 

(and even if he did feel dead, his day was instantly made better when he opened his locker and saw his uneaten cheesecake sitting inside with a note attached to the container saying ‘ _You forgot this and I didn’t want you to waste your money. You better eat this or Changbin hyung will kill me :) -J’_ )

  
  
  


Things got better after that. 

Jeongin was still treated pretty badly at school and not a lot changed, but Jeongin was noticed by Jisung a lot more and insisted on staying with the youngest when he and Changbin went to the library to study for one of Jisung’s classes he was struggling with. And sometimes, Jisung would stick up for him when it was situations that were “justified” in the others’ books. They weren’t suddenly friends though, Jisung made it clear that they would probably never be friends one night they happened to meet up again by saying “don’t think that I’m suddenly going to open up to you about my entire life. Of course, it’s nice to talk to people about your problems when you don’t know them, but I’m not like that. Don’t think we’re suddenly friends just because of all of this. I don’t need my last year of high school to fuck me over any more than it already has.” followed by a quick apology. 

And of course, Jeongin being the person he was, told Jisung it was okay despite how much that hurt to hear. Jeongin already knew he wouldn’t ever have a chance with Jisung, but that didn’t mean he wanted to _confirm_ it. 

It surely didn’t help that Changbin kept reminding him of this. “You know you don’t have a chance with Jisung right? You’re just hurting yourself by being around him.” It always seemed to work its way into their conversations. 

And every time, Jeongin answered the same way, “I know, hyung. It’s just nice to have people to talk to sometimes, okay? I’ve already long accepted the fact that I won’t have a chance with him. Trust me,” with this solemn little smile and an aching heart. Jeongin’s liked Jisung since middle school so letting him go so easily doesn’t really feel possible. 

Yet, Jeongin tried the process. He tried to see Jisung as any sort of other kid instead of the guy Jeongin’s liked forever and it worked. 

For the most part. 

One week, a few weeks after their first meeting at the shop, Jeongin became super sick. Like so sick he could hardly leave the bed due to how weak he felt, and it began to mess with him because of how sticky he felt. Jeongin couldn’t wait for all of this to be over so he could take a nice warm bath. 

Nonetheless, Jeongin couldn’t go the entire week without doing any of his school work and asked Changbin to pick it up and bring it to him. Jeongin knew he couldn’t trust Changbin to do one simple thing without fucking it up entirely. 

Now, in all fairness, Jeongin had expected _Changbin_ and Jeongin held little to no shame around Changbin. So _that’s_ why Jeongin answered the door in a very large hoodie covered in grease stains and paint that belonged to his older brother and a pair of large boxers with crabs all over them. Jeongin felt like _dying_ when he saw Jisung stood there instead. “Jisung!” Jeongin shrieked loudly in embarrassment. Jisung looked Jeongin up and down with a laugh, shaking his head at the sight. 

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes…” Jisung snickered. “Why am I not surprised by the crab boxers?” Jeongin laughed nervously, moving to grab a blanket from the chair by the door and wrap it around himself when a chill came through and sniffled and coughed to get Jisung to back up a bit. The boy did, thankfully. 

“Did Changbin hyung send you with my work?” Jeongin bounced from the talk of his crab boxers anxiously and Jisung got the hint. The elder pulled up the packet of work that was in his hands and shook it around. “Oh good. Thanks. Where _is_ Changbin?” Jeongin questioned, taking the work from Jisung’s hand and pouting down at the elder for a few moments. 

“In the car. He sent me because he’s too lazy to get out,” Jisung answered, shifting to the side to show the car parked in the street with music playing from inside. Jeongin made sure he glared so harshly in Changbin’s direction the elder felt it from all those yards away. Jeongin could tell he obviously knew Jeongin was glaring at him because he sunk further down into his seat. _Yeah, feel guilty you little bitch._ Jeongin huffed and turned his attention back to the boy standing in his doorway. 

“Thank you for bringing my stuff. You can go now, hyung,” Jeongin sighed, running a shaky hand through his sweaty hair nervously and going to shut the door. 

“Sure thing, Yang. Feel better,” Jisung nodded shortly and practically skipped down the pathway back to the car and hopped inside. Jeongin flinched when Jisung winked in his direction as he opened the door before disappearing inside. Jisung chuckled when he heard Jeongin slam his front door. “Crab boxers? Really?” 

“He has crab everything.” 

Jisung laughed loudly, clapping his hands once as if it were the funniest thing ever, “God, he’s a fucking treat isn’t he?” Changbin grew a little uneasy. “I hate you so much for making me do that.” 

Changbin grunted loudly, “You’re the one that decided to get all buddy-buddy with him. Don’t try and blame me for that.” Jisung rolled his eyes. 

  
“Maybe if you would stop being up his ass all the time and drop him, this wouldn’t even be an issue. Why are you still friends with him?” Jisung taunted a bit, poking fun at Changbin and trying to see how irritated he could get. It was Jisung’s favorite thing to do every time they hung out. 

“If you don’t like him then why are you being so nice to him?” Changbin snapped back, getting a little irritated by Jisung being so cruel. Sometimes, Changbin wishes Jeongin was here to witness shit like this but at the same time, Chnagbin also knew this would _break_ the younger. 

“He’s fun to mess with. Seeing him get all hopeful? It’s almost a kink of mine.” Changbin felt nauseous just looking at Jisung’s sickening sweet smile paired with evil eyes that Changbin really just wanted to punch. “What? You like him or something?” Changbin’s hands on the wheel tightened considerably. 

“Don’t be a sneaky little shit, Jisung. It’s not attractive. Grow the fuck up.” Changbin hissed. Jisung acted as if he didn’t even care, just simply pulling out his phone from his pocket as he began to speak to him casually. 

“Just drive, hyung. I can’t wait for this party so you can get high and that stick out of your ass,” Jisung grumbled, scrolling through his Instagram and liking the photos of all the girls he’s, of course, speaking to right now. 

Changbin wished he could share this experience with Jeongin and open his eyes to what’s right fucking in front of him. Changbin didn’t say anything more, though. He kept quiet because he didn’t want his anger to get the best of him and possibly make this situation any worse. Changbin just needed his weed, and he needed it now. “Go ahead and roll a joint. I need to relax.” 

“I thought you’d never ask,” Jisung grinned, pulling out the bag of weed from the glove compartment and some rollers, practically a master at rolling blunts on the go with Changbin’s shitty driving skills as they do this far too often. Changbin felt much more at ease once the blunt was between his lips and the weed in his lungs. Changbin hated being sober nowadays.

They passed it back and forth until they got back to Jisung’s place, his parents out of town for the weekend so Jisung could harbor Changbin’s high ass for a few days without having to worry about being caught. However, they couldn’t smoke in the house, so Changbin was going to have to suffer for the next few hours. 

Jisung was rather unbearable to be around when Changbin was sober. He’d much rather hang out with Jeongin if he were honest, but his reputation mattered to him, so he couldn’t do that. Changbin would just have to suck it up for now. “Scoot the fuck over, you are _not_ sitting in my favorite spot on the couch.” 

_These were going to be a long few hours._

  
  
  


Changbin was notorious for being a bit of a clumsy bastard but never had he fucked up to this degree. 

He should have never gone to that party. If he had just stayed with jeongin or gone home, none of this would have happened, and yet, here he was, standing in the school hallway watching his childhood best friend get his stomach beaten in against the lockers because Changbin opened his stupid fucking mouth. 

The fact of the matter is that when Changbin went to that party, later on when it was just Changbin, Jisung, and a few others hanging out in the basement, they were passing joints and beers around while playing spin the bottle. Changbin had already kissed a few of the other girls here, but they decided to make it interesting and make it same-sex kissing as well. Changbin, unfortunately, had to kiss Jisung, and when they pulled away from each other in a fit of panic after a measly peck, Changbin started laughing. 

Loudly. Loud enough to get _everyone’s_ attention. 

“God, Jeongin would shit his pants right now if he were in my shoes,” Changbin snickered, howling a bit if he were honest, but this wasn’t about _those_ details. “He likes you so much it’s sickening cause you’re such a fucking dick.” 

Everyone started giggling at this, some of the guys cooing and making kissy faces until it all settled in. 

Changbin had just confirmed that Jeongin was, in fact, gay and very much liked Jisung. 

Before all of this, it had just been rumors, speculations, and not enough confirmation to really tear into him for it. “Holy shit, Seo!” One of the other guys yelled from across the room, and the anxiety began to set in. Changbin flinched when Jisung leaned in to talk to him. 

“Why do I feel like you shouldn’t have said that…” Jisung uttered. 

“Because I shouldn’t have,” Changbin hissed back, anger evident in his features. Jisung just grinned mischievously while raising his hands in the air. 

“Don’t try and come for me, bro. You’re the one who’s gonna get in trouble with Yang over this. _Looks like you don’t need to pull yourself out of his ass after all. I think you just did it accidentally._ ” 

Those words still ring through his head, but it gets significantly worse when he sees Jeongin in the hallways looking broken and sad. Changbin should have never opened his stupid fucking mouth…

  
  
  


Jeongin has dealt with a lot of shit in his life. His mom and dad weren’t around a lot when he was a kid, constantly traveling to make money to provide, which Jeongin really appreciated. His brother got hooked on drugs when Jeongin was only 10 and then joined the military after rehab when Jeongin was 14. Jeongin lost a good portion of his friends when he got to middle school and began to get bullied when he reached high school. He went through heartbreak and a rumor scandal because he didn’t suck a guy off. And now, his only friend, now ex-friend, let it slip he was gay and practically in love with a guy Jeongin could never have and Jeongin was facing the cruel, evil aftermath. 

Alone. 

Jeongin remembers the day after everything went down at the party vividly. Changbin had shown up at his house that morning with red eyes and perhaps looking the most vulnerable Jeongin had seen him in a very long time. Jeongin hadn’t even had a chance to check his social media yet, hadn’t seen all the comments and posts people were making about him because it spread like wildfire. 

So, when Changbin apologized out of the blue, looking ready to start sobbing in the middle of Jeongin’s room, Jeongin couldn’t keep his curiosity to himself. 

“What are you talking about, hyung? Why are you apologizing?” but then Changbin explained everything. He explained how Jisung had been stringing him along, and how Changbin had let it slip at the party that Jeongin liked Jisung, and how everyone knew about it and were starting to make death threats.

Jeongin wasn’t quite sure what to feel when he found out about it if he were honest. He told Changbin that maybe they shouldn’t be friends anymore. That what he did wasn’t okay but that Jeongin wouldn’t make his life hell over it. Jeongin apologized for holding Changbin back for so long, but Changbin scolded him for apologizing. The elder tried to restore the friendship, telling Jeongin that he would protect him from now on. 

But the sad smile Jeongin spared him while the younger was on the verge of tears broke Changbin’s heart because he knew he lost Jeongin forever in that moment. “You should go, hyung… I won’t tell mom about any of this. But please go… and I would really appreciate it if you didn’t try to contact me again.” 

And then Changbin left, and Jeongin was all alone. For good this time. 

Well and truly alone. 

Not only did the people at school begin to get more physically abusive toward him, but they also started to isolate him. Even his teachers would overlook him when he raised his hand in class, and started giving him poor grades on any work he turned in. Jeongin felt like he was existing, fading in and out through the day and only becoming more and more aware of his situation when someone would pull him aside and throw a quick fist into his stomach or into his eye. 

It was getting harder and harder to hide the bruises. 

“Jeongin, honey, is there a reason you’ve been wearing so much makeup recently? Are you sure it’s just acne?” His mom always tried to pry him for answers, but Jeongin didn’t want to worry her. More times than not, he just escaped up into his room, slept until everyone else was asleep, and then showed his face to the world. 

The only thing worth keeping was his story, his escape, and his crab. 

_Irvan leads them to a part of the cave enclosed in darkness except for the neon blue and green shrimp floating around in the wall of water before them. For some reason, it was running from top to bottom along this back cave wall but didn’t fall through the hole. It was like there was an invisible barrier there separating the ocean from the cave. “If you swim up from here, you’ll reach the surface of the ocean not too far off from the ice caps. You’ll want to warm yourself up quickly because this water will feel colder than anything you’ve felt your entire life.”_

_Jeongin and Winston looked at one another, uncertainty and fear evident in their expressions. “Is this the only way out?” The question slipped out before Jeongin could even censor it. Irvan huffed out in what Jeongin hoped was amusement rather than irritation before rumbling out a thick, short, and very quick:_

_  
_ _“It is the safest way… unless you wish you to go back the way you came and lose even more time?” The beast challenged them, eyes twinkling with slight mischief. Jeongin quite liked the beast’s sudden change in demeanor. Irvan didn’t feel so…_ solemn _now. Of course, this was a beast that had faced mistreatment and heartbreak a great deal of its life and it wouldn’t take a basic discussion to cure Irvan of all his troubles, but it felt like maybe Irvan was beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel and that’s all Jeongin wanted for people._

_As dramatic as that might sound…_

_“No! No… that won’t be necessary,” Winston laughed nervously, bowing in the beast’s direction. “Thank you for being so kind and showing us the safest way out. We appreciate it, good sir.” Irvan seemed a bit taken aback by the formality, the basic human decency Jeongin supposes, and bows his own head back after a few seconds. Irvan moves off to the side, arm stretching out invitingly toward the wall of water and huffing out puffs of air through his bull-like nose._

_“Now… Go and change the fate of the world, World eater.” Irvan accepted the fact that Jeongin would stop at nothing to save the world but still wasn’t all that happy about it. Nonetheless, Jeongin felt rather hopeful that Irvan would at least help them if he couldn’t stop them. A part of Jeongin believes the only reason Irvan is even helping them is that a small part of him actually started to believe Jeongin’s previous words about life. But Jeongin wouldn’t confront him about it. Not right now at least._

_Jeongin had one more thing to add to his list and that was finding more of Irvan’s kind. The beast deserved to be with his own if that’s what he wanted oh so badly._

_Jeongin was the first to approach the wall of water, waving Winston along. “Don’t be a scaredy cat Winston, you lived in the ocean for half of your life,” Jeongin teased when Winston seemed hesitant to approach the giant wall of water. Sir Winston huffed, crossing his claws over his shelled chest and waving his head around so quickly his eyes on the ends of their long nerves waved around in the air a little less controlled._

_“That was 50 years ago and I’ve not touched the ocean since then, thank you very much,” Winston corrected him with a huff, looking toward the wall covered in neon algae rather than the two bodies stood a few feet away from him._

_“Are you saying you’re scared, Sir Winston? In all my 23 years of living, are you finally scared of what the world has waiting for you?” Jeongin tested, crossing his own arms over his chest after sliding his sword into the sheath strapped to his back. Winston winced the slightest bit before flickering his eyes in Jeongin’s direction._

_“No man is real if he doesn’t fear at least one thing a day,” Winston defended himself, but Jeongin just smirked and puffed his chest out as if he had already won._

_“And no man is real if he doesn’t face that fear once a day.”_

_  
_ _And that was enough to have Winston sighing dramatically, dropping his claws to his sides and clattering over to the wall of water while uttering “If you want to be all hero-like, I suppose I must follow suit,” before immediately jumping in and allowing the bubbles to shoot him up to the surface. Jeongin chuckled lowly, turning to Irvan afterward. They didn’t say anything, just bowed at one another one more time before Jeongin jumped into the ice-cold water._

_The water immediately shot sharp pains into his nerves before he couldn’t feel anything at all, Jeongin gasping so loudly at the temperature that the water immediately filled his lungs. Jeongin began to claw at his throat, feeling as if the water in his lungs was moving up to his brain and suffocating him so tightly Jeongin’s eyes began to see black dots. The ice he swam past began to cut at his skin, tinting the water pink with his blood and Jeongin saw a large, scaly beast with sharp teeth swaying over to him to eat Jeongin as his meal._

_But then the water was flowing past him after a force hooked around his torso and then Jeongin was breaking through the surface of the water and landing on the thick ice on top with a boom and erratic coughing. “Sire! Sire, are you alright?” Sir Winston came barreling up to him, slamming his claws down on Jeongin’s chest to get all the water out, but every time Jeongin gasped for air, he broke out coughing and covered with his own slobber due to the water going back in._

_  
_ _“Flip him over,” A soft voice chided, and Sir Winston listened, rolling Jeongin over onto his stomach and slamming his claws back down on Jeongin’s back. The water came out a lot more easily that way as there was a lower chance of it hovering in his mouth rather than hitting the ice he was laying on. “Can you handle it from here?”_

_“What happened?” Sir Winston turned to whoever was speaking, Jeongin didn’t get a good look, “Why is he all cut up?”_

_Jeongin heard a silent, melodic sigh before his savior began to speak, “The tunnel you came out of has a lot of small creatures that look like ice shards. They normally pair with mutant sharks in order to lead them to their prey. Your ‘sire’ nearly became shark bait.” Winston stayed quiet._

_“Who are you?” Winston questioned, sounding a little more lost than angry at this point._

_“It doesn’t matter. Just get your friend to somewhere warm…” Jeongin turned to the figure lying on the ice in front of him. The man had long raven hair and legs that went on for miles that were covered in scales. However, Jeongin’s eyes were far too watery to really get a good look at this part fish’s face._

_“Thank you,” Jeongin croaked, but the siren did not speak to him. Instead, he stood up, approached the edge of the ice, and dove back into the water, his legs changing into a tail longer than Jeongin’s body mid-air. Jeongin just barely managed to see a tail peek out from the edge of the water through his blurry vision a few miles away._ He must move quickly. _“Winston! Stop hitting my back! You’re going to cripple me!” Jeongin shrieked loudly, falling back onto the ice and squishing his numb cheek against the surface and breathing heavily._

_“Sire, we need to look at these wounds… They could have toxins inside,” Winston insisted but Jeongin shook his head._ _  
_ _  
_ _“My savior would have said something if they were toxic. We need to keep moving just give me a second,” Jeongin breathed heavily, rubbing at his eyes and trying his best to get rid of slobber on his chin. His tongue felt swollen, and his lips crusty and ready to fall off at any moment due to the cold water he felt._

_But then he felt the smallest of pinches on his forearm, yelped loudly, and glared at Winston while holding the wound. Sir Winston placed his claws on his hips and stared at Jeongin for a moment, smirking to himself when Jeongin shivered in delight at the heat washing down his body and coating over his nerves like honey used to ooze out and coat his toast when he was still living at home-_

_Home…_

_He didn’t really have a home anymore did he?_

_“What are you thinking about, Sire?” Winston hushed, watching Jeongin’s expression fall into a solemn one before it turned blank. “You know that wasn’t your fault-”_

_“But it was! I touched the book… God, I shouldn’t have opened that cursed book,” Jeongin whimpered, burying his head between his knees and studying the glimmering ice._

_“Sire…” Winston trailed off sadly._

_“If I hadn’t opened that book, I wouldn’t have let that_ **_monster_ ** _out and he wouldn’t have destroyed the city. If I hadn’t opened that book, they never would have tracked it back to father and he’d still be free, living and smiling and drinking wine after a long day of trying to better the city. If I hadn’t opened that book, the world wouldn’t be dying and I wouldn’t be having to look for this cursed Orb of Dotur that’s almost impossible to find because the glimmering ice is impossible to find-”_ **_Glimmering Ice._ **

_“Sire?” Winston approached Jeongin cautiously, but Jeongin quickly scrambled up, eyes locked on the ice._

_“Winston, look at this ice and tell me that my eyes are not defying me,” Jeongin pointed down, and Winston looked real close, gasping when he saw the almost opal shine to it. When Winston glanced toward Jeongin in shock, Jeongin gasped, grabbing for the map from Winston’s bag and unrolling it, looking around. The mountains… The mountains weren’t that far away, and the ocean was only just a few steps._

_Jeongin snapped his head around to see something darker in the distance and went running. “Sire! Sire, stop running! You know I can’t move that quickly!” Winston called out to him, but Jeongin couldn’t stop running. He wouldn’t stop running until he neared the dip into the ice and saw nothing but black when he looked down below._

_Jeongin nearly started crying when he saw that exact sight. The same sight so many people described in their found journals and scholars books. “We found it,” Jeongin whispered once Winston came clattering up beside him while panting loudly. Jeongin fell to his knees, “We found it, Winston.”_

_“Now we just have to get to it, Sire,” Winston winked, standing up straight, taking a deep breath, and jumping over the first cliffside, nearly falling into the black abyss below. “Oh, gods above that was scary!” Winston shrieked, holding a claw to the middle of his chest. Jeongin giggled and backed up to get a running start before he too hopped over the first cliffside._

_On the map and in every book Jeongin’s read about this place talked about the circles of cliff sides surrounding the middle cylinder. The first circle one reaches is believed to fall all the way down into the hot, lava-filled core of the world where every soul burns alive. The second circle falls into sharp ice and impales the body and sucks the soul right out of you until you too become an ice spike that steals souls. The third circle is said to have a world right at the bottom, storming and hissing with lightning that wraps around you like a chain. The fourth circle holds trees that come alive and snap you in half with their claws and your body becomes the teeth they use to feast on the animal life down below._

_The last circle, and by far the most important one, holds an ocean full of darkness. Unlike the others, there’s a way out of that circle. Legend says the orb is what drags you out of the ocean of fears… you just have to find it._

_Their happiness was short-lived though._

_When they reached the edge of the second cliffside after waddling over the ice carefully, a screech echoed in the distance, an inhuman one that sent chills down Jeongin’s spine._

_They were here._

_“Winston, we can’t fuck around anymore. We have to go,” Jeongin hushed, staring at the vastly approaching army of beasts foaming at the mouth and shadows flying all above them. Sir Winston gulped, not liking the prospect of having to jump over these cliff sides in panic, but he knew they didn’t have a choice. Just in the mere seconds it took for Jeongin to speak those words the army wanting nothing more than to rip their heads off had already made quite a distance. They needed to get moving, and very soon at that._

_“Indeed, Sire. How about we save some time, then?” Winston hushed, clicking his claws and letting himself shrink down into the size of Jeongin’s palm, climbing into said palm and allowing his student to drop him in a secure pocket. Now, Jeongin just had to not fall into the cliff sides._

_It couldn’t be that hard right?_

_Jeongin took in a deep breath and allowed his legs to begin kicking at the ground and lift off of the ice only to land on the other side of the second circle. Jeongin’s adrenaline began to kick in now, heart beating so intensely he could feel his ice-cold fingers begin to warm up and throb and his heart thump in ears._ _  
_ _  
_ _He could hear the ice underneath his shoes kicking up behind him, legs flinching and shaking and losing balance every now and then due to how slippery the surface was, but Jeongin couldn’t lose any more time than he already had and needed to move on before he lost more than enough time to find the orb._

_The problem was, though, that Jeongin could hear them getting closer, and the closer they got, the more the adrenaline ran and Jeongin couldn’t focus on finding the orb with logic with all this adrenaline running in his veins. Jeongin needed to calm down, but how?_

_Jeongin stopped after he jumped over the third circle, turning back toward the large army of monsters oozing with the need to rip Jeongin’s head off, and a thought came to him instantly. “Sir Winston… you have shields for us right?” Jeongin murmured down to the crab clicking away in his pocket. Winston didn’t say anything but clicked his claws four times before something watery appeared in front of Jeongin on the edge of the circle and surrounded the entire area consisting of the last few circles and created a dome over the top so no one could get in. Jeongin heard Winston’s voice echoing in his head as he looked around in awe._

_“It won’t last long. It’ll only give us a head start. We must act quickly,” Sir Winston chimed in his head, urgency evident in his tone and Jeongin didn’t think twice before taking off to the third circle and leaping over it. Jeongin saw his life flash before his eyes when his foot slipped off the very edge of the cliffside and his leg went stumbling down the rocky earth. “Oh fuck!” Jeongin cursed loudly, fingers latching onto the rim of the cliff and panic settling in his chest. “Winston!”_

_Jeongin felt the crab clatter and move about in his pocket, Winston making his way up Jeongin’s body and crawling over his hands. Before Jeongin knew it, he was staring eye to eye with Winston’s more human crab form and his hands were being taken into the crab’s much larger claws. With the strength of a determined, old soul, Winston hoisted Jeongin up the side of the cliff and dragged him back onto the sparkling ice. Jeongin felt like crying as he clawed at the ice in desperation to get away from the lighting licking and hissing at his feet. “Sire, please do be more careful,” Winston huffed before going back to his other much smaller form, making his way back into Jeongin’s pocket and pushing on it from the inside to move Jeongin along and snap him out of his daze._

_With careful steps, he approached the last ring with a gulp and peered down into it once he reached the edge. The trees within couldn’t be seen with a naked eye, but since the little old lady in the woods blessed him with eagle vision, he could see the tops of the dark, pointy leaves that looked sharp enough to slit his throat, in the black mist that covered any and all the secrets that lay within. Jeongin needed to be sure to never, ever, fall into this ring._

_The finish line was so close now Jeongin could taste the salty water below._

_“A running start sounds like the best course of action, Sire,” Winston chimed in his head. Jeongin huffed in acknowledgment and backed up to the edge of the third ring, eyeing the army closing in on the shield around them. The space within the shield was beginning to grow dark due to the lack of sunlight being let in, and Jeongin knew the shield wouldn't stay up for much longer due to the force being impacted on it._

_Borderline idiotic of him, Jeongin closed his eyes the moment his feet left the ground for that final jump, lungs freezing over from both the wind that traveled through his open mouth and down into his system and the pure and utter fear in fluttering around in his stomach. Jeongin didn’t open his eyes until his feet hit the ice, but the jump felt so long that Jeongin wondered if he had missed the ice entirely and was now plummeting into the black abyss below said to have monstrous trees waiting to make him apart of their gnarly sets of teeth._

_But then his feet his the ground, sliding the slightest bit because of the slippery surface, and Jeongin snapped open his eyes, letting out a cry of relief when he realized he wasn’t down in the dark abyss, but indeed standing on the edge of the ice, just nearly falling back down as he had done before, and decided to take much more careful steps this time. “Oh gods, we’re here. We’re actually here,” Jeongin couldn’t figure out if he was about to cry out of relief or cry out of terror that they made it this far._

_“Don’t get too excited now, Sire. We still have plenty to do until we’re out of this safely. Now please get moving. We have an orb to find and this shield won’t last much longer,” Winston scolded in Jeongin’s head and the younger nodded feverishly, approaching the final circle, the hole in the very middle that was said to hold the key to the universe, the very heart of it all. Jeongin dived straight into the water, Winston clinging onto his robes with his claws because his life very much depended on it._

_But when they hit the surface of the water and floated down into the dome of death, everything they’ve claimed over the course of the last few months was lost and they were back to their normal selves. Jeongin no longer had eagle sight, Winston couldn’t speak in Jeongin’s head, and everything was much darker than it was before. Jeongin wouldn’t be able to point out the orb as easily as he probably would have been before, and he couldn’t help but notice that that was the point. The orb wasn’t meant to be found, but Jeongin would break that rule in an instant._

_In an act of determination, Jeongin swam full force toward the ship hovering at the bottom of the dome, unaware of the key missing piece to the puzzle he just lost in the process. Jeongin didn’t feel as if he were losing any air being down there in the water, but Jeongin had read the stories from others. The water tricks you into thinking you have all the time in the world but in reality, you have very little, and you must make the most out of the time you_ **_do_ ** _have. So, Jeongin didn’t waste any. He managed to make it to the edge of the boat, looking around for any sort of entrance, but when none came in sight, Jeongin became a little frustrated._

_Jeongin snapped his head around a little frantically, looking for any sort of hint that might lead him in the right direction. In the very far corner, he saw that hint and dashed for it._

_Something yellow, something bright and round and perfectly resembled the orb all of the books described, bobbed up and down in the far reaches of the dome and the moment Jeongin managed to get his hands on it, his fingers felt like they were glued to the orb, and some part of him felt like something was very, very wrong when it began to vibrate and turn hot at his very touch. Jeongin felt like his fingers were burning off before it finally took off within the water and dragged him back out through the surface, through the shield that shattered like glass the moment Jeongin went flying into it, and through the clouds so he and the orb were floating above the clouds where nothing could disturb them. It felt like the world had stopped._

_“Hello, Summoner,” a voice deeper than Irvan’s bellowed to him, the orb still glued to the palm of his hands. “You wish to save the world hm? Or Maybe unlock all the secrets to the universe? Or perhaps rule them all, use the Orb of Dotur for evil,” The more the orb spoke, the more… malicious it sounded._

_“I suppose,” Jeongin whispered._

_“Well, there is more to this quest than just finding me. You must take me to battle, use me as a weapon-” This didn’t sound right. Not at all. Jeongin took that moment to look down in his pocket, jolting in a panic and causing his heart to beat wildly in his ears when he noticed Sir Winston wasn’t in his pocket. Jeongin attempted to get the orb out of his hands, but it just wouldn’t let go._

_“Winston? Winston!” Jeongin cried out, twisting his body around in hopes of seeing the crab attached to his robes somewhere, but Winston was nowhere to be found. “I have to go back down to my friend!”_

_“Your friend is gone now-”_

_“No! He’s not! Let go!” Jeongin yelled, swinging his hands around vigorously to get the orb off of his hands but it wouldn’t work._

_“You can’t get rid of me now, boy! You lost your friend and your soul because you gave up everything just to have your_ **_greed_ ** _!”_

 _  
_ _Jeongin remembers reading about this now. A demon in the midst of the dome that tricks you into thinking you have the Orb of Dotur, but in reality, you belong to the demon now, and so does your soul._

_In an act of desperation, Jeongin swung the orb down onto his knee, causing it to shatter and hiss when his cold tears dropped onto the burning orb, and just like that, Jeongin was falling back down through the clouds, through the shattered, shield, and back into the water._

_“Winston! Winston!” Jeongin called out into the water, words bubbling and lungs feeling as though he was losing air as quickly as he was losing time. At the bottom of the ocean, he saw Winston, laying flat on his back and most likely lost to the ages, but Jeongin would not give up. He would not let his life long companion lose his life so easily._

_Jeongin would not give up, even when his eyes began to develop dark spots and the panic began to set in. There was no finding the Orb of Dotur, Jeongin had realized that the moment he was back down in the water. There was only death now, and if Jeongin had to die, he didn’t want to be alone._

_At least he had Sir Winston._

_But then there was a bright, hopeful flash, and everything changed._

_  
_ **_This wasn’t over yet._ **

  
  
  
  
[[MOODBOARD](https://twitter.com/atumun15/status/1216770346185039874?s=20)]  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. THREE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t go to them after school. I can’t imagine the amount of money you spend on makeup to cover up the bruises…
> 
> Please consider?
> 
> -H.H.

Waking up every morning without knowing how the day will end takes a toll on anyone with deep-rooted anxiety. Jeongin felt like he was going to lose his mind if he had to wake up another morning and the first thing he’s reminded of is that he’s alone. Jeongin’s spent a lot of time thinking about it and a lot of time avoiding thinking about it, but by the end of the morning, by the end of every class period, by the end of the school day, and by the end of his 4 am insomnia episodes, Jeongin still had to come to terms with the fact that he was officially alone. 

And out to the school. 

And constantly harboring bruises and on the verge of spilling everything to his parents…

The idea of them knowing about any of this strikes a certain kind of fear into Jeongin, as he truly didn’t know how they would react to the news of him not only getting beaten into a pulp every single day, but the reason being that he was _gay_. The two hadn’t necessarily ever said anything bad about the LGBT + community but they haven’t said anything nice either. In fact, they act as if the community as a whole doesn’t even exist. Jeongin’s not even sure he’s heard them even say the words “gay” or “homosexual” or anything else related to them. 

It scared him a little. 

As if that wasn’t bad enough, his parents were always a little dramatic, and knowing them, they’d probably move out of the city to make sure Jeongin never had contact with anyone else from school again. Jeongin cringed at the idea of having to start over at a whole new school when it was already this late into his last year of school before he heads off to university. Jeongin winced at the idea, knowing fully well that his parents would find out about Changbin and Changbin would be fucked at home. 

Despite everything… that was really the last thing Jeongin wanted for his childhood friend. He didn’t want Changbin to feel as miserable as Jeongin felt even if it was kind of the elder’s fault Jeongin’s situation got so much worse. 

Jeongin supposed it was about time everyone else found out though. How he managed to keep it under wraps for so long in the first place is kind of a miracle to him if he were honest. 

Now, however, he must deal with the cards he’s been dealt and Jeongin needed to learn to hide this massive bruise on his shoulder, and quickly too because his mother was walking up the stairs and would barge into his room any minute now. Jeongin nearly cried out in relief when he saw a hoodie resting over his chair and slipped it on, the fabric just sliding past his bare waist and resting on his hips when his mother barged through the door. “Jeongin, wake up-” She stopped when she saw him already standing up and hovering over Sir Winston’s tank. “Oh.” 

“Morning, mom,” Jeongin greeted with a small smile, brushing his hair so it was in front of his eyes and she couldn’t see how deep the bags under his eyes were. “I’ll be down for breakfast soon. Promise,” Jeongin murmured, voice croaky due to the lack of use. Jeongin knew his mother was watching him closely, studying his reaction and body language for how he truly felt. That was the curse of having a writer for a parent, they seem to know you better than yourself as if they’ve been writing your story since the very beginning and know exactly how it’s going to end. 

Jeongin’s felt like that for a long time, but now that he’s hiding such deep and severe secrets, it scares him to know that his mother could be well aware of _everything_. Though, that would make his life a lot easier, wouldn’t it? “Don’t be too long. You always skip out on breakfast because you take too long to get ready,” his mother scolded, earning a snicker and a small bow of Jeongin’s head in her direction. 

“Okay, mom,” Jeongin replied, smiling down into the tank as Sir Winston climbed up onto his hand and snapped his claws in the air. “Well aren’t you active this morning,” Jeongin muttered toward his crab, holding him up in the air to study him properly. Jeongin thought he heard his mother leave, so he nearly jumped ten feet into the air when she spoke up. 

“You and that crab… forever and always attached to the hip.” 

“Mom!” 

  
“Sorry, sorry, I thought you knew I was still here,” She snickered, “I’ll go now…” she looked as if she wanted to say something else, she even turned back around and opened her mouth, but no sound came out and she sighed when Jeongin shot her a look of confusion. “Hurry up, now,” she blurted before rushing out of the room and softly shutting the door behind her and giving Jeongin his privacy. Jeongin watched the door for a moment, snapping out of it when he felt a sharp pinch in between his thumb and pointer finger. 

“Ow! Alright!” Jeongin hissed, looking down toward the crab, lowering him back down into a small tub of water that only went up to the crab’s belly. Jeongin woke up early that morning for more than one reason, the first one being his mother, the second being so he had the chance to clean out Sir Winston’s tank. So, he grabbed the tank, walked over to the trash bag he grabbed the night before, and dumped the sand out once he pulled out the container of water he kept separate from the sand. Jeongin could hear the crab clattering away in his tank on the other side of the room and all the way to the bathroom where Jeongin dumped the tank water into the tub so it drained a lot easier. Jeongin went ahead and filled the tub with water as well to save some time. 

“Jeongin! Come on now!” His mother screamed up the stairs when she heard him padding around going from room to room. 

“I’ll be down in a few minutes!” Jeongin called back down. _God, you’re such a liar, Jeongin._ Jeongin shut the door behind him once he made it back to his bedroom, setting the container of water back down into the tank, grabbing the large bag of sand from underneath his desk, and pouring in the sand, one cup at a time. Once everything was clean and Sir Winston had more food, Jeongin guided the crab back into his tank, shut the screen lid, and grabbed his uniform from the floor. 

Jeongin took his time, even took a few minutes to straighten out his hair despite knowing that as soon as he gets to school, it’ll be ruined by his classmates, but he’ll do anything to spend the least amount of time around his parents while his eyes were stained purple. Jeongin put on one coat of foundation and a setting powder on his face before he finally raced down the stairs with his backpack strapped to his shoulders. “Jeongin! Eat!” 

“Bye, Mom!” Jeongin called out to her, grabbing the container of curry off of the counter and running out the door, completely dodging her waiting arms. “I might be home a bit later today! I need to stay after and talk to the teachers!” _Lie._

He could see his mother looking at him with sad eyes as if she could see right through him. “Okay, hon. Try to be home before dark, please.” Jeongin’s mother let him go after that, watching him through the window as Jeongin hopped on his bike and immediately peddled off toward the city where his school breathed in the middle of. She was growing more and more worried by the second, and Jeongin needed to work out a way to make sure that he went back to normal as soon as possible. 

Jeongin thought about it on his way to school that morning but was snapped out of it when he heard a honk from behind him. Jeongin turned his head, seeing a car driving up beside him on the road at a deadly speed. Jeongin shrieked, made a hard left turn when he saw the car drive up onto the sidewalk to try and hit him. Jeongin went crashing to the ground, bike sliding across the concrete and nearly going out into the road for the car to hit. Jeongin let out a sigh of relief when the bike came out harmless, the car driving off with laughter booming from inside.

Tears threatened to escape his eyes, chest heavy and shoulders aching. Jeongin just sat there on the sidewalk, holding his already swelling wrist and glaring at the ground. People just walked around him, not paying this teenager the time of day. It was Jeongin who helped himself up. It was Jeongin who picked up his bike. It was Jeongin who managed to find the courage to go ahead and go to school even after almost getting run over. He supposed that this was a good life lesson, even if the situation was awful and might cost him his life later if it goes too far. 

When Jeongin arrived to the school, he tried his best to ignore the familiar car hovering by the entrance where five guys were standing around it as if they were waiting for him. “Morning, cockgobbler! Did you enjoy our little present this morning?” The buffest of the bunch called out to him, Jeongin just ignored it. “Come on, now! Don’t be like that! No harm, no foul!” _If only they knew_. 

Jeongin turned back this time, watching the group of guys experimentally. “I suppose you’re right,” Jeongin grinned a sickeningly sweet smile but dropping it down into a hollow, dead expression when he saw them look at each other in confusion. Jeongin stalked off into the school, taking a few shoulder slams and locker throws before he made it to his locker and through his textbooks inside. Jeongin was just about to shut it when he caught sight of the small drawing he did of Winston inside the door, rubbing his thumb along the edges and his brain slipping into that world he knew he needed to stay away from while vulnerable to any sort of harm. 

_Nonetheless, Jeongin couldn’t help himself. The moment his fingers hooked around Winston and the bright flash exploded from the depths of the dome, Jeongin snapped his eyes shut and held Winston close to his chest._

_Jeongin isn’t sure how long he stayed like that, eyes closed, Winston pressed tightly to his chest, and body curled in on itself before he finally opened his eyes. “Come on, now, mortal. There’s no need to be so shy. You’re okay.”_

_When Jeongin opened his eyes, he was surrounded by the black of the universe, but greens and oranges and pinks and purples were scattered about with white and yellow stars, each resembling a galaxy somewhere in the universe. Jeongin gaped at the sight before letting his eyes lock on Winston, now in his regular form and gawking at everything else around him. “Where are we…” Jeongin whispered, eyes floating around until it landed on a fox, transparent and vaguely reminding Jeongin of an opal stone as it floated around them._

_“You’re in my realm now. Dotur, if you wish to be more specific,” The fox answered, gliding around Jeongin’s head and resting across his shoulders. “It’s been a long time since the gates of the eyes allowed another soul into my realm… I presume you must be after the orb,” The fox murmured, their pure white eyes studying Jeongin._

_“Y-yes, but I-”_

Jeongin winced when he heard the shrill warning bell of the school ring out in his ears, shutting the locker door and walking off toward his class. He managed to get there without anyone trying to knock his head against the wall or throw slurs at him, but Jeongin did have the unfortunate experience of having to see Changbin talking and laughing with Jisung as if they hadn’t ruined his entire life. 

Jeongin tried to scold himself for being so unfair to them, but realistically, was it unfair? They even kept smiling once their eyes met Jeongin’s, but Jeongin could tell Changbin’s was fake. Jeongin watched them as he continued walking, but when he went barreling into another chest, he shrieked. “I am so sorry!” Jeongin immediately apologized, bowing at a 90-degree angle. 

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it,” he heard a voice from aboveㅡ deep, unknown, and a little slurred, Jeongin held enough bravery to glance up, his breath catching in his lungs when he saw A very handsome stranger hovering above him with dark hair and eyes as shiny as the stars scattered across his cheeks. Jeongin couldn’t help but gape a little bit. “Please stop bowing so… erm…” the boy struggled with his words, growing more and more uncomfortable as time passed. 

“Formally?” Jeongin blurted out, straightening up his back and closing his eyes tightly in fear of being backhanded for being “too smart”

“Yes. Thank you,” The freckled student bowed his head respectively and the smallest of smiles tugging at his lips. Jeongin felt incredibly caught off guard, and immediately backed away, shoulders straightened and eyes downcast. _Was this some sort of sick joke?_ Jeongin couldn’t handle another sick joke. “I’m sorry. I’m Felix and I just moved here from Australia and I’m not very good with the language. Take good care of me?” The freckled boy begged a bit, and as much as Jeongin wanted to tell this kid to fuck off for the sake of Felix’s reputation, Jeongin couldn’t do that. 

Instead, he jerked his head off to the side, made a ‘follow me’ motion with his hand and lead Felix over to the group of girls in Jeongin’s painting class. The girls were in the middle of talking and giggling by their lockers when Jeongin came over, immediately silencing when they saw Jeongin. “He’s new,” Jeongin muttered, walking away as the girls took Felix under their wings and showed him around. Jeongin flinched a bit when he heard Felix ask who Jeongin was, and all he heard was “...a dirty faggot.” 

Jeongin could almost guarantee he’ll never see Felix again, and a part of him hated that. Felix was unbearably handsome, and nice to Jeongin even when the younger ran into him and got a little smart. But now, Felix knew Jeongin was gay, and that was the end of that potential friendship.

It’s not as if Jeongin would have let one happened anyway. He didn’t want Felix to suffer at school because Jeongin allowed them to be friends. Jeongin knew that if Felix became his friend, he’d get the brunt of Jeongin’s abuse and bullying. Jeongin couldn’t allow that. 

When Jeongin arrived to his first block, he saw a few kids, Jisung’s friends surrounding Jeongin’s desk. This caused him to freeze in the doorway, no one noticing until someone upfront finally looked toward the door and saw Jeongin hovering there in fear. “Oh look, Yang is here!” _Curse you_. “How are we doing this morning, Yang? Come on in, now. Don’t be shy.” 

Jeongin took a hesitant step forward, and the moment he did, hands grabbed his shoulders, shoved him over toward his desk, and down into his chair. Jeongin shrunk in on himself when Changbin’s cousin plopped down beside him, wrapped an arm around Jeongin’s shoulder, and brought him into his side with a punch to Jeongin’s gut. “Yang! So I heard you like our great Han Jisung,” The cousin snickers, “I can’t believe you have the balls to not only like guys but Han Jisung, of all people.” Jeongin almost couldn’t believe it either. “I guess you _are_ what you eat.”

He just couldn’t help himself. If they were going to make gay jokes, then so could he. “You should know since you’ve gotten so ballsy in the last few days,” Jeongin snapped, but the second he uttered those words, Jeongin’s face impacted with his desk and a tight grip was in his hair. 

“Don’t fuck around with me, cockgobbler. I’m not a fag like you. So no flirting or I’ll knock your teeth in.” Jeongin really wanted to say something else, but he held some self-restraint and kept his mouth shut. The cousin waited for a moment, just to see if Jeongin would say anything else, and ended up smirking and tightening his grip when Jeongin slumped. “That’s what I thought, you little fuck. Don’t be late for our little meeting after school today. You’ve earned yourself an extra ten minutes and a broken rib just for that comment you made earlier.” Jeongin whimpered like a dog. The cousin just laughed. 

“Joowon, go sit down,” The teacher’s voice boomed in the room, sounding exhausted and, Jeongin hated to say it, a little amused. 

“But sir, I am sitting down,” Joowon challenged, grinning at the teacher. They glared at one another, a silent war going on, but eventually, the teacher put his foot down and Jeongin felt a bit thankful the teacher took mercy on him that day. 

“Your _own_ seat, Mr. Seo,” The teacher emphasized, earning a small groan from Joowon before the teenager picked up his backpack and threw himself in his seat a few rows off to the side of Jeongin. However, Jeongin felt a bit of fear when he looked toward his teacher and saw the man smiling evilly. “Now. Good morning everyone, I’m going to hand back your research papers… some of you did really well. Others of you…” Jeongin felt his heart drop when the teacher looked to him, “Not so well. Others of you will need to revise your essays and get them to me by tomorrow if you wish to not fail this class.” 

When Jeongin got his essay back, he felt like crying. At the top, there was an “F” written in bright red and circled half-assed. When Jeongin went through to look at any sort of suggestions for revision, all he saw was a note at the end that said “This was so awful I couldn’t even finish reading it. Please revise, and don’t waste my time again.” Jeongin slowly closed the essay, unaware of the sad eyes hovering over his shoulder to read it as well. Next, Jeongin slowly placed the essay in his folder for all of his homework, ignoring the teacher’s eyes boring into him from the other side of the room. Jeongin would keep himself contained, under control. He wouldn’t show signs of vulnerability. He wouldn’t do it. 

So, Jeongin grabbed his notebook and paid extra attention to the lesson afterward, ignoring the insults and whispers about him from Jisung’s side of the class, and his teacher’s snarky comments every time Jeongin answered a question. Though, by the end of the period, Jeongin had quieted down, not even opening his mouth when the teacher purposefully called on him, earning him more snarky comments. 

It was only the first period of the day, and Jeongin already felt like throwing himself out the third story window when he made it to his next class. The teacher in that class was a lot nicer than the last in retrospect. Instead of taking the time to embarrass Jeongin or make him feel awful, she just ignored him. She simply never acknowledged his presence and that was a blessing in itself. The other blessing was that no one awful was in his class. 

Except for Felix of course. 

He wasn’t awful per se, but when Felix shuffled in shyly and looked around only to find Jeongin sitting in the back, his eyes lit up and he darted for the back. “Hello, again,” Felix beamed, looking _way_ too happy about seeing Jeongin. “I know you were busy this morning and I’m sorry for nearly running you over. I hope we can be good friends,” Felix babbled, Jeongin gaping up at him in shock. There’s no way this is a joke. Felix knows he’s gay. _Jeongin knows he knows that_. 

Jeongin didn’t even get to respond before the new kid sat down in the seat next to him. “What…” Jeongin trailed off, mouth closing and opening in alarm. 

“What’s your name?” Felix smiled, turning toward Jeongin in interest, smiling from ear to ear. Jeongin couldn’t stop staring at his freckles, a bit star-struck by the elder’s overly-affectionate presence. _All targeted toward him_. 

“It doesn’t matter…” Jeongin muttered sadly, turning away and pulling out his book for the independent reading time they are gifted at the beginning of class. Felix frowned. 

  
“It matters to me,” Felix pouted, trying his best to get Jeongin to look at him. Jeongin stared at the desk for a long time, hoping Felix would stop being so persistent, but he was one stubborn fucker and Jeongin gave up after thirty seconds of nonstop staring. 

“It’s Jeongin.” Felix cocked his head like a puppy, trying to pronounce it to the best of his ability. Jeongin giggled a bit when he failed and helped it one more time. “Jeong-in,” Jeongin tried again, pronouncing every syllable out for Felix as the elder followed. 

“Jeongin,” Felix said perfectly, and Jeongin blushed at his name being said in Felix’s _very_ deep voice. “Jeongin, Jeongin, Jeongin,” Felix kept uttering over and over again. “Thank you, Jeongin,” Felix beamed, and Jeongin felt like melting in his seat. _Oh god_. 

“Don’t get so used to saying it, alright?” Jeongin uttered, the smile on his face sad and eyes falling to Jeongin’s hands in his lap. 

“Why not?” Felix pouted again, but Jeongin didn’t get to answer him because of the teacher coming in and dropping off her stuff once the bell rang. 

Jeongin could see Felix staring holes into the side of his head, but Jeongin never looked at him. Jeongin knew if he did, he’d give in. 

About thirty minutes into the class, Hwang Hyunjin came into class looking a little breathless and a note in hand. “Theatre again?” Hyunjin nodded his head, handing her the note. “I’m gonna have to have a talk with that woman about her pulling you out of class all the time,” the teacher hissed. Hyunjin just smiled at her sweetly and cleared his throat. 

“You do that, Miss. I’ll try to be here a bit earlier.” 

“Be on time. Now sit down,” she grumbled. Jeongin, watching Hyunjin like everyone else was, locked eyes with the raven-haired model material and Hyunjin looked a little lighter, a little more content. But then his eyes flickered over to Felix and the content turned into confusion. Hyunjin and Jeongin locked eyes once again and didn’t unlock eyes until Hyunjin was sitting down in his seat on the other side of the room. 

Ten minutes pass, it’s a peaceful ten minutes when subtracting the fact that Hyunjin wouldn’t stop stealing glances of Jeongin and Felix, looking a little lost. But then a little bit of hell breaks loose when Felix slips Jeongin a note. 

Why did you say I shouldn’t get used to saying your name? Are you changing it? Jeongin heaved a sigh of amusement at Felix’s innocence. Jeongin grabbed his pencil and began to write back. 

Listen, do yourself a favor and don’t talk to me. I don’t want you to hate your time at this school because you decided to befriend the helpless gay kid. Jeongin watched Felix’s reaction out of the corner of his eye, wanting to cry when he saw Felix become hesitant to reply. He seemed to be in deep thought, but not for the reason Jeongin expected. 

What if I join your side as an additional helpless gay? Surely two helpless gays make a slightly helpful unit

Jeongin snickered a bit, but then it settled in. Felix was gay. Felix, this handsome stranger who wouldn’t leave Jeongin alone, _was gay_. 

Don’t do that. We can’t be open here. It’s dangerous for us.

Felix angrily scribbled on whatever was left of the paper before handing it back to Jeongin. I’m not going to let some homophobic fuck wads run my life. That’s not who I am, and I will never be that way

Jeongin was about to write back before Felix quickly batted his hands away and took the note back, writing something else down with a tiny smile on his face. 

Also, you’re cute. I’d like to get to know you better… call me?

Underneath was Felix’s number and Jeongin flushed, crumbling the paper in his fist in his lap out of panic and flushing profusely. Jeongin couldn’t help but smile like an absolute fucking _idiot_. “Please?” Felix whispered in Jeongin’s ear. 

Jeongin looked up at him, letting his lips tug up into a small smile. “It’s going to take more than that to convince me, hyung,” Jeongin hushed, smirking a bit when Felix laughed softly. 

“Challenge accepted, Jeongin,” Felix grinned mischievously. 

“Mr. Hwang! Is there something in the back of the room that is more interesting than my class?” The two were snapped out of it instantly, eyes going to Hyunjin where the elder was looking at the two interacting with slight irritation and hopelessness in his eyes. Jeongin felt confused. _Why was Hyunjin so concerned with them?_

Jeongin huffed when Hyunjin turned back around. “No, Ma’am,” Hyunjin denied, placing his hands on his desk and interlocking his fingers. “Nothing is.” For some reason, that hurt a little. Felix leaned down to whisper in Jeongin’s ear at the same time the teacher began shrieking.

“Then pay attention!” 

“Did you two used to date or something?”  
  


Jeongin recoiled instantly, looking up at Felix in horror and fiercely shaking his head. Felix just frowned, writing down on the piece of paper they’ve been passing back and forth. Don’t be like that. It’s a valid observation. 

He’s Hwang Hyunjin. He can have anyone he wants.

He obviously wants you based on the holes he was glaring into me earlier but go off I guess.

Jeongin’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and he couldn’t help but glare up at the elder in aggravation. You’re delusional.

Or you’re blind.

Jeongin didn’t respond after that, throwing the note into his backpack and glaring at his textbook. Felix was delusional. Hyunjin did _not_ like Jeongin and no one could convince Jeongin otherwise. Jeongin could hardly wrap his head around the idea that Felix thought Jeongin was _cute_. 

When the class ended, Jeongin waited for everyone to clear out, Felix doing the same. But when Felix stayed too, and even tried to follow Jeongin to class, Jeongin stopped and pulled Felix aside. “Listen… I wasn’t kidding about earlier. It was nice to talk and stuff during class but I really don’t want you to hate your time here. Please take my advice and just… stay closeted for a little while and make some friends.”

“But I want to be your friend,” Felix hushed, looking solemn. Jeongin kind of hated how serious and sad Felix looked. 

“So do I. You’re nice to be around. But please. I have major trust issues and I just lost a long term friend. So if you can’t do it for yourself then please do it for me,” Jeongin pleaded, just wanting Felix to understand. “What everyone says is true okay? I’m weird as fuck. I like crabs, I’m way too big of an enthusiast about the ocean, and I write weird stories about myself because I want to be something I’m not. You’re going to want to get rid of me as quickly as you get me.” 

Felix studied him for a moment. “Let’s make a deal then.” Jeongin frowned but motioned for Felix to continue. “In two months’ time, If I still really want to talk to you, you have to let me if you’re so worried about my well being. I’ll leave you alone until then, but in two months, I’m allowed to decide if we’re friends or not,” Felix placed his hands on his hips. “I’ll try out this whole thing you want me to do. I’ll leave you alone, make other friends, and act like the straightest man alive. If it works well, then I guess you’ll never hear from me again. If it doesn’t… I’m gonna be a leech you can’t get rid of, Yang Jeongin.” 

“Fine. You have a deal.” 

Jeongin ignored the part of himself that said he’d be seeing Felix again. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur. His painting class was far too tense for his liking, and he could barely get any of his work done because of it. Nonetheless, he managed to finish his 6th painting to his 8 piece set and hang it up out in the hallway. Lunch was lonely as always, and Jeongin darted to the back of the library when he saw Jisung enter with Changbin by his side. Jeongin tried his best not to snoop. His last class went surprisingly smoothly, as his last teacher never treated him any different from how he treated Jeongin before. Just everyone else in the class was significantly more hostile. 

When Jeongin went back to his locker at the last bell of the day to grab his books, a note and a small, bright red bag with a white cross on the front fell out. Jeongin frowned down at it, expecting it to be Felix or god forbid, one of his bullies, but was surprised to find something completely different. 

_Please don’t go to them after school. I can’t imagine the amount of money you spend on makeup to cover up the bruises…_

_Please consider?_

_-H.H._

Jeongin looked up and around, seeing Hyunjin leaned against a locker across the hall. As soon as Jeongin noticed him, Hyunjin dropped his gaze and walked away, nearly running into a locker at the same time. Jeongin tried his best not to giggle at it. 

But Jeongin couldn’t consider that option. If Jeongin didn’t show up to this beating, the next ones would be forced and much, much worse. Jeongin winced at the idea of having to go to the hospital because they end up beating him to the brink of death. He didn’t want his parents to find out that way. He didn’t want them to find out at all, but if he could help it, he’d be the one to tell them. 

Jeongin sighed, placed the first aid kit on the top shelf of his locker along with the note and shut the metal door, nibbling on his lower lip in fear. Jeongin sighed, slammed his head against the longer and groaned loudly. 

With bleary eyes and a heavy chest, Jeongin made his way to the bathroom on the other side of the school, seeing two of Joowon’s little goons stood outside waiting for him. “You’re a little late, Yang. He’s not going to be happy.”

Did this kid have like a mafia gang or something? This is entirely too excessive. 

Jeongin didn’t even get to walk in himself, instead, the two goons grabbed his biceps and dragged him into the bathroom where Joowon was sat on the sinks, smoking a cigarette and talking loudly with the other boys stood around smoking as well. Jeongin’s nose wrinkled at the smell of the nicotine. He will never understand the pleasure that comes from smoking knowing that it was slowly making you rot from the inside. 

“Ah, he’s here,” Joowon murmured, “You pissed a lot of people off today Yang…” 

_You mean just you?_ Jeongin kept his mouth shut though. He was already pretty close to getting beaten to death that day so he knew better.   
  
“So… what are we going to do about it?” Jeongin nervously eyed the cigarette Joowon sat on the sink counter, never actually putting it out. The sad part about it is that Jeongin knew exactly what was going to happen but he didn’t try and fight it really. He just stared up at Joowon with a blank stare and an expression that would break anyone who happened to care about Jeongin. Jeongin looked beyond empty at that point. “Answer me,” Joowon hissed, jumping off of the counter and grabbing Jeongin’s collar in one swift motion. 

They were nearly nose to nose and Jeongin just couldn’t help himself. “I don’t know. I assume fuck because you’re so close to me it’s almost a bit gay.” All Jeongin saw was pure, uncontrolled hatred and anger flood Joowon’s features before pain exploded across Jeongin’s nose and something warm began to drip into his mouth. The hits to his face just kept coming, one after the other somehow angrier and more violent than the last. 

“I’m not a faggot, Yang!” Joowon shrieked, grabbing Jeongin’s collar with both of his hands this time, Jeongin’s back now on the floor and Joowon hovering above him, feet on either side of the Yang son’s hips. Jowoon’s nostrils flared like a bull’s, face as red as the things that set bulls off, and Jeongin feared for his life at the sight of it. 

Jeongin squeezed his eyes shut when his head was suddenly pulled up off of the floor and then slammed back down on the tiles below, head aching and vision going blurry. Joowon did this two more times before he finally let Jeongin go, the raven-haired boy turning over and curling up in on himself in both defense and agony. Kicks started coming into contact with his ribs and back, pain shooting up and his limbs all over, but for some reason, the injury that hurt the most was when it was all over, Jeongin bloodied, bruised, and probably broken in a few places laying on the ground with tears dripping down onto the floor and deluding his already pooling blood, and Joowon finished it off with a cigarette burn below Jeongin’s ear, searing and hot. 

Jeongin whimpered at the hot ashes being put out on his skin, jolting like electricity invaded his nerves. Joowon bent down, lips right by Jeongin’s ear, “You are nothing in this world, Yang Jeongin. When will you understand that?” The implication was there despite the words never actually being said. _Kill yourself_ is what he was really saying and Jeongin weighed it for far too long, even after Joowon and his little goons finally left the bathroom to go home. 

He laid there for a while, long enough for the blood to clot and crust over so it no longer pooled on the ground. And while it hurt more than anything to sit up, Jeongin ended up standing up, walking over to the sinks, and looking at his reflection through blurry, hot eyes. Blood covered most of his face, one of his eyes already swollen shut and lips busted. Jeongin had cuts on his eyebrows and cheeks, and when he lifted up his shirt, he could see one of his ribs protruding a lot farther than it should be. It hurt to breathe. 

Jeongin couldn’t go home like this. 

Jeongin doesn’t even think he could go outside looking like this without grabbing attention. 

But he did. 

Perhaps the sad part was that some part of Jeongin assumed that Felix or Hyunjin would be outside with a car or willing to walk him home so he wasn’t so alone but how could he expect such a thing when he had done nothing but push them away? He pretty much told Felix to fuck off earlier that day…

Jeongin was alone, and while not all of his fault, he surely didn’t help stop it. Maybe it would be good for him to be selfish sometimes. At least he wouldn’t feel this heavyweight on his chest at just the idea of not being able to talk to anyone except his _crab_. 

The walk home felt agonizingly long, probably due to the fact that he dragged his feet over the sidewalk instead of walking at a much more brisk pace. But if Jeongin walked any faster than he did right now, sharp pains would shoot up his nerves, tears would fill his eyes, and he’d have to sit down because it hurt so much to breathe. But eventually, an hour later at least, he made it home. 

But the minute he opened the door and stepped inside to see his parents pacing the house in a panic, phones up to their ears, all hell broke loose. “Jeongin!” They both screeched at the same time, rushing up to him, grazing their fingers along his cheeks and grabbing his arms to inspect them. “What happened to you? Who did this to you? Where have you been?” they kept firing off questions, poking, and prodding at Jeongin’s injuries in worry but Jeongin felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

His eyes flickered back and forth between his parents and his body, tears welling up in them and air hovering at the top of his throat forcing him to cough and coat his lips with spit. Before Jeongin could even think, the adrenaline slammed into him and Jeongin pushed past his parents and raced up the stairs, shutting the door to his room and locking it before sliding down and burying his face into his knees. He could hear his parents screaming for him downstairs but they never trailed up, their voices unclear due to the ringing in his ears. It almost felt like he was swimming in the ocean, surrounded by whale calls and speeding water. 

Jeongin sat there and cried, limbs numb and lungs begging for any sort of air but his body was far too exhausted to work properly anymore. So, he trembled, shivering and shaking to his core. That seemed to be the only way anyone could tell he was even alive. 

Despite feeling as if he were underwater, he slipped into that world he adored so much. 

  
  


_“Yes but I don’t understand… How did we get here? Where is the orb? How do I know to trust you?” Jeongin stood in front of Sir Winston, protective grasp over Winston’s shoulder and eyes trained on the fox swirling all around the two of them. The fox laughed lightly, sounding more like a patronizing hum than genuine laughter of amusement. “You cannot blame me for being so hesitant…”_

_“No… No, I suppose not. That demon you spoke with before causes more trouble than he’s worth but I don’t have the means to be rid of him… He’s almost become a pest I’ve become used to having around,” The fox explained, floating around Jeongin’s head before looking off to the distance, eyes trained on something Jeongin couldn’t see. It felt as though the fox could see beyond anything Jeongin could ever know. “I’m not sure how I could prove to you to trust me, I guess you’ll just have to trust your gut instead.”_

_  
_ _With eyes flickered down to his feet, Jeongin huffed, gasping in a deep breath when he saw nothing but the large, blue, red, and green globe Jeongin knew too well miles and miles and miles below. Jeongin couldn’t tell how far away he was, or where he was even at. “Are we…. Are we above the world?” The fox just laughed._

_“The world is far bigger than that measly rock you and the rest of your kind call home. The whole world is bigger than you could possibly wrap your head around. No one is above the world except fate, and that’s because fate_ is _the world.” The fox explained, humming along to a song that Jeongin didn’t recognize. “We are, in fact, floating above the planet you live on if that’s what you were asking.” Jeongin’s heart registered amusement flickering through it._

_“Yes… that’s what I was asking,” Jeongin mused, crossing his arms over his chest and jutting his hip out slightly. The fox winked in his direction._

_“I suppose that was a roundabout way of answering your question then… but I’ll never stray from giving a mortal my wisdom when they so obviously come looking for it.” silence draped over them after that, seriousness oozing into the environment around them. “What is it you need, mortal?”_

_  
_ _Jeongin paused for a moment, peering down at Sir Winston who looked ready to pass out. Jeongin thought about what he wanted to say before opening his mouth “The world is dying-”_

“Jeongin?” Jeongin flinched, ignoring the sound of his mother.

_“-And it’s all my fault,” Jeongin whispered, curling in on himself in a very vulnerable manner. The fox peered at him in interest._

_“Dying you say? How do you know, hm? What did we just talk about?” The fox floated toward Jeongin and Sir Winston, curiosity evident in their eyes as they looked to both Jeongin and Sir Winston waiting for an answer. “Tell me more…”_

_Winston took it upon himself to speak next, “There is a man that wishes to end the world, and set a curse upon a book Jeongin’s father was studying at the time. If anyone were to open said book, the soul of the Phoenix King, Choi Il, would set foot back on our Earth and burn it to the ground. Jeongin opened it… and let the king out.” Jeongin kept his chin tucked against his chest, eyes shining and boring down into the earth below him as Sir Winston told the fox of the human’s shameful act._

_  
_ _“I guess the saying ‘Curiosity killed the cat’ is quite accurate in this situation then, hm?” Jeongin couldn’t do anything but laugh bitterly at that. He couldn’t bring himself out of his solemn, helpless mood. “What part do I play in this?” Jeongin and Sir Winston looked to him in confusion._

_“I suppose giving us the orb if you wish… I understand if you don’t wish to play with the strings of fate,” Jeongin trailed off with a pout. The fox hummed._

_“I don’t mind giving anyone my company-”_

“Jeongin please come out. We need to talk,” Jeongin’s mom pleaded through the door, knocking Jeongin out of his story and sounding a bit broken. Jeongin just ignored her. 

_“-Especially since it’s been so long since I’ve spoken to anyone, much less been on your planet,” The fox traveled around them, swirling and darting through the air with elegant twirls and graceful flips. A part of Jeongin wished he could fly like that. He wondered how nice it was to not have to touch the ground and feel the air take you anywhere it pleased._

_“I don’t… I don’t understand…” Sir Winston spoke up, clacking his claws in discomfort. “Do we need you to come with us to use the orb?”_

_The fox giggled, once, twice, a third time before it settled in front of the boys. “I_ am _the orb, mortals. Something so strong and powerful can’t be a singular object you know? In case you haven’t quite figured it out yet… I_ am _fate.” Jeongin’s head was whirling at this point, unsure of how to approach this situation anymore. The orb wasn’t an orb at all. The orb was another being, the orb was a handler of fate._

_Jeongin and Sir Winston looked to one another. “I thought the handlers of fate were all together… Where are the others?” Jeongin questioned, a little dubious of this being now._ Nothing was adding up. _The fox grew a little sad._

_“There was a fight between the other fates, and a war broke out. Those of us who didn’t wish to get involved went our own separate ways. Since then, we all weave and we all make our strings of fate. You’re just lucky that you happened to fall into my web rather than anyone else’s,” The fox explained solemnly. Jeongin couldn’t imagine how lonely this fox felt. They once had an entire family to themselves, a community that understood them and gave them support. But now the fate of Dotur was alone, a great portion of the world resting on their shoulders and no one to look to for help._

Jeongin could see himself in the fates…

  
  
  
  


For the next few days, Jeongin didn’t see his parents once. He didn’t go to school either, and he knew they knew that. He’s heard them get the calls from the school, but not once did they ever try and get him to go. Of course, they tried to get him to talk, his mom trying to get him to come out in the morning and his dad at night when he came home from work, but Jeongin didn’t open his door until he knew that both of his parents were too occupied to corner him while he was in the bathroom or getting food in the kitchen. 

If these had been any other parents, Jeongin would probably be six feet under already, but his parents were patient and maybe a little bit like pushovers, but Jeongin appreciated the space they kept giving him.

However, after four days, someone came knocking on their door and Jeongin’s life kind of seemed to crumble again. 

Jeongin had made his way down to the kitchen to grab some food when he heard heavy knocks at his door. Jeongin paused in the middle of the kitchen, cheeks stuffed with ramen and eyes wide when he heard his mom leave her study to answer the door. Jeongin quickly hid between the cabinets and the wall, in the perfect position to listen to what was being said between his mother and whoever was at the door without being seen unless she turned around completely. Jeongin needed to be sure to move when she closed the door so she couldn’t see him. 

Behind the red wooden slab that served as the entrance to Jeongin’s home, stood Han Jisung, a shit-eating grin on his face and a stack of papers in hand. Jeongin felt his blood run cold and features fall at the mere sight of him. Jeongin’s heart ached in a way he couldn’t entirely explain without coming off as dramatic. “Hello! Are you Jeongin’s mother?” The woman shifted uneasily on her two feet at this boy’s over-enthusiastic talking. Jeongin knew she could see right through him. 

“Yes… Who might you be?” She questioned, coming off as polite, but shifting her body so she was in front of the door when Jisung tried to look inside. For a split second, Jeongin and Jisung made eye contact, and Jeongin felt his heart shatter all over again when Jisung shot him a blinding smile. The same, charismatic one that Jeongin would fall for over and over again until he was dead in his grave despite knowing that it was all fake. 

“Jisung. Han Jisung. I go to school with Jeongin,” Jisung stated the obvious based off of Jeongin’s mother’s unimpressed expression. Jeongin could tell Jisung was starting to grow nervous. 

“I see…” 

Jisung shifted, “I brought some of his work. The teachers wanted me to drop it off. It’s sad really, how much work he’s missing because he can’t come to school because of all the bullying…” **_No_ ** . _No, no, no, no, why would he say that?_ “All because he’s a little different? It seems unfair to me.” Jeongin could practically feel Jisung’s shit-eating grin from yards away. Jeongin didn’t have the nerve to look at his mother though, to look at the way she tensed dramatically and looked on the verge of snapping in half completely. “Ah well… Here’s his work. Have a good day, Mrs. Yang.” 

Jeongin’s mother didn’t say anything, just watched Jisung leave with this lost look in her eyes that would have broken Jeongin if the boy had seen it. In retrospect, her closing the door after wasn’t as loud as Jeongin believed it to be, but in his racing, hypersensitive mind, it felt like a slam rather than the gentle click it truly was. Jeongin’s mother dropped to her knees, head bowed, hair falling in her face, shoulders shaking, and hands gripping all the work Jeongin needed to do as if her very life depended on it. If the pile wasn’t so thick, his mother probably would have crumpled it. 

“Jeongin…” She called out, voice loud due to how quiet the house was at that point. Jeongin froze. “Come out now. I know you’re there…” Jeongin shifted his weight from one foot onto the other but didn’t make any sort of advance toward her. “You can’t keep hiding from us anymore,” She choked out, “W-We have t-to t-t-talk-” She stopped abruptly, a sob echoing throughout the room and Jeongin felt helpless. 

His body acted before his mind did, approaching her with a speed he hasn’t endured in weeks before dropping down to his knees and hugging her from behind. His mother wouldn’t stop trembling, wouldn’t stop crying hysterically, and wouldn’t stop clutching his hands as if he were going to disappear right underneath her fingertips. “Momma…” he whispered, knowing she heard him despite how loudly she was sobbing. 

“Why didn’t you tell us, Innie? Were you scared we wouldn’t believe you? Did you feel like a burden to us?” She fired question after question, sounding more and more broken and less and less hysterical as it began to settle in. Jeongin didn’t want to admit to any of those things, he didn’t want her to feel like she failed as a parent. 

“Can we talk about this when dad comes home? Please?” Jeongin whispered, “I don’t want to see you break twice when I tell him.” His mother didn’t say anything, just nodded her head and let out another throaty sob. They stayed like that on the floor for about five more minutes before Jeongin stood up. “Come on, you can’t stay on your knees. It’ll hurt later.” he guided her toward the couch, sitting down with her as she wrapped her arms around his skinny, bony bicep and rested her cheek on his shoulder to make sure he didn’t go anywhere. Jeongin just turned on the tv and melted into his mother’s hold, despite how anxious he was for his father’s return. 

  
  
When his father came home, he nearly dropped his things when he saw Jeongin sitting on the couch without any makeup on, bruises on show, and eyes empty. He dropped them instantly when his wife peered over the couch with red, swollen eyes, and an expression that told him something happened and it required his full attention. “Jeongin? What happened?” He kneeled down in front of him, taking Jeongin’s face into his hands and running his fingers across the bruises. 

Jeongin looked toward his mother, expecting her to say something to his dad instead of him, but Jeongin should have known better when she lightly nudged him with her elbow. “You… you should sit down okay?” He insisted, and Jeongin’s father stood up and sat down on the coffee table right in front of him. It made Jeongin a little anxious but at least he knew his dad cared enough to not stray too far away. 

Jeongin took in a deep breath, pushed back the tears threatening to spill any moment now, and began speaking. 

“Ever since I was about 10, the other kids never liked me. I was weird to them because I cared too much about school and didn’t care much for sports. It started off pretty harmless, I’d say. Changbin and I were still friends at the time, but during middle school, it started getting a bit harsher. They assumed my grades were effortless and that I thought I was better than everyone. They… they started to call me cruel names and push me into lockers and flush my stuff. That’s why I always had a new binder every week,” his parents shared a look. “Freshman year, they got more physical. I’ve been taking beatings for the last four years because I was ‘different’ and it only got worse when Changbin stopped hanging around. He more or so kept me around because he knew his parents would say something if he got rid of me.” Jeongin paused for a second, debating if he should show them. “The recent one was pretty bad…” 

Jeongin peeled off his shirt to show them the bruises littering his torso. His mother gasped in horror and his dad stared at them with a lost, broken look in his eyes. Jeongin saw the familiarity in them too though, his dad was looking at him as if he was looking at someone else. Jeongin hoped it didn’t feel like his dad was looking in a mirror. 

“I didn’t want to tell you guys because I felt weak. I felt like I should have handled it on my own except for looking for help. Some part of me believes that I deserve all of this. I felt like if I told you, you’d make a bigger deal than it needs to be-” 

“It is a big deal!” His mother exclaimed, looking at him as if he were insane. “They’re going to kill you one day!” His father looked toward her, shaking his head and grabbing for Jeongin’s hands gently, taking them into his much larger ones. Jeongin’s head reeled a bit at the sincerity. 

“I understand how you feel, Jeongin. I was bullied in school too. Your grandma raised absolute hell when I came home with broken ribs. But I also understand what it’s like to feel like you’re a burden. So I just have to ask… Do you want us to pull you out of that school? We don’t mind doing that, Jeongin,” His father questioned, and much to his mother’s horror, Jeongin shook his head. 

“I’m already so close to finishing. I don’t want to change schools now… I’m going to be the weird kid where ever I go, dad,” Jeongin hushed, twiddling his thumbs and looking anywhere but his parents. “It feels like the coward way out.” 

“You can stay,” his dad started, earning a slap on the arm from his wife, “but on one condition.” Jeongin gulped. “We meet with the principal about the bullying. I don’t feel comfortable sending you there without knowing I tried to stop it.” 

“Okay.” 

  
  
  


\-----------------

“Jeongin, what did you mean by _different_?” 

“Mom…” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, please don’t cry. You can tell me when you’re ready.” 

\---------------

Jeongin went back to school that following Monday after being treated for his broken ribs and a fractured wrist, a cast now adorning his limb. It was black, a precaution he took in case someone wrote something nasty on it that he didn’t want on there. Jeongin already knew everyone was looking at him in wonder, some even whispering “He’s not dead yet?” in a snarky manner. Jeongin almost regretted telling his parents he wanted to stay. 

But he knew it was for the best. 

When Jeongin reached his locker, there was ‘cock gobbler’ written over it in sharpie, but Jeongin just ignored it. He opened the metal slab, the hinges squeaking at the assault as something came tumbling out of his locker. It was a bag of flower petals and a note. Jeongin darted down to picked them up quickly, not wanting anyone to see. Jeongin didn’t even look at the note, seeing Felix approach him quickly. Jeongin stared at him wide-eyed. “Felix-” 

The elder cut him off, bringing Jeongin into what was supposed to be a gentle hug but he ended up holding him tightly. “Oh thank god.” 

“Felix…” Jeongin whispered, nudging him away, but Felix didn’t move an inch.   
  


“You scared the shit out of me. I almost asked every single person for your address.” Jeongin couldn’t help but giggle quietly at that, hooking a hand around Felix’s lower back and tapping him. 

“We had a deal, Lee,” Jeongin whispered, pulling away and looking up at him with a sad smile. Felix just huffed and pulled Jeongin in by his head, looking into Jeongin’s eyes until the younger had to look away. 

“Fuck the deal. I’m tired of watching you get pummeled.” Felix’s eyes were hard now, protective and almost resembling an animal. 

“Felix, please,” Jeongin pleaded, seeing people look at them in disgust but also curiosity while others shot looks of disdain toward Felix. It broke Jeongin’s heart. “They’ll hate you,” Jeongin’s eyes kind of glossed over, looking anywhere except Felix. Jeongin managed to pull himself out of his grasp. “Please stick with the deal,” Jeongin whimpered before shutting his locker, and darting away, trying to make it to class as soon as possible. 

Felix tried to call out to him, but Jeongin was like a bullet, and whoever got in his way at that moment would end up being shoved to the ground in the process. Luckily that didn’t happen, and Jeongin managed to get to his AP biology class without any issues. Inside, Jisung and his little crew were already there, and some part of Jeongin found it immensely satisfying when Jisung looked to him in horror. Jeongin just looked back with hollow eyes and an empty smile. Jeongin so badly wanted to go up to him and just punch Jisung right in the face but Jeongin just clenched his fist and approached his own desk, plopping down in his seat and ignoring the world. 

For the most part anyway. He knew Hyunjin was staring holes into the back of his head all class. 

  
  


Oddly enough, Jeongin was far more anxious for second block, as that was the block Felix was in. Oddly enough, when Jeongin got there, there was a girl already occupying his seat, glaring holes into Jeongin as he approached her. The boy sighed, and sat a few rows down at the very back by the window, squishing his fist against his cheek when Felix walked in. The boy looked to him in confusion, but then saw the girl sitting in Jeongin’s normal seat and frowned. “Felix!” She called out to him, enthusiastically patting the seat next to her. Felix sat down with her, despite looking back at Jeongin. 

Not long after, Hyunjin came strolling in, looking a little frustrated. Jeongin’s heart stammered when their eyes met and Hyunjin practically lit up. He looked like he was both melting with relief and vibrating with excitement, but the moment Jeongin was sure Hyunjin was going to approach him, the bell rang and the teacher immediately yelled at him to sit down. 

“Morning class,” She grumbled, sitting down on the surface of her desk and looking over everyone, her eyes landing on jeongin. “It’s nice to see all of your faces here this morning.” Jeongin nibbled on his lower lip when she said this while looking directly at him. “I’ve decided I want to do something a little different this time. We’re going to do partner projects on your next novel-” _Fucking great._ “And you get to choose your partners this time.” Jeongin sank down in his seak. _Double fucking great._ “Go.” 

Everyone got up from their seats. Felix turned back to Jeongin with a hopeful smile but it was quickly destroyed when someone came barreling into the seat next to Jeongin and shot the raven-haired boy a bright, charming smile. “Morning, Jeongin.” 

  
“Hey, Hyunjin.” Jeongin knew it was for the best. No one fucks with Hyunjin, despite him being open about his sexuality and disdain for the rest of the “popular” crowd. Jeongin thought the word popular to describe a bunch of high school students was fucking stupid but that was the only way he could describe them. 

“You wanna be partners?” Hyunjin cocked his head to the side, lips pouted like a puppy. 

“Sure… though I’m not sure why you think that’s a good idea,” Jeongin trailed off with a dubious stare. Jeongin wasn’t completely stupid, he knew Hyunjin was interested in him, but Jeongin was scared of the reasoning behind it. He didn’t want to be any sort of charity case. 

“You’re adorable and incredibly smart, that’s why, you little fishy,” Hyunjin cooed, pinching Jeongin’s cheek while smiling fondly. A part of Jeongin’s brain was trying to convince himself that Hyunjin was being hostile and demeaning, but Jeongin knew better. He did. Hyunjin didn’t have a bad bone in his body. 

“Sure… let’s just pick a book, okay?” 

  
  
  


[[MOODBOARD](https://twitter.com/atumun15/status/1219286819759697920?s=20)]


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